iHate Jeff
by Sushihiro
Summary: Sam Puckett finally has a boyfriend. A boyfriend who doesn't cheat on her or try to flirt with her best friend. A guy who loves her for who she is. But Freddie also loves her, and when Sam finds out, she has to make the biggest decision of her life.
1. Understanding

**A/N: Hello people! This is my first ever iCarly fanfic! Hope you enjoy. And don't worry, this chapter is only the beginning, so the others will be way longer. Read and review if you please. And now without further adieu, my first fanfic!  
**

_Disclaimer: I do not own iCarly._

**iHate Jeff**

_ Sam's POV _

Sometimes I really don't get Fredward Benson. And that's saying a lot, because we have always understood each other. I always knew what he was thinking or feeling; Whether it be anger, sadness, or joy. He always knew what I was thinking or feeling; he knew when I was upset, angry, depressed, joyful, or unapproachable. No matter how hard I tried to hide my emotions it always irritated me that Fredward Benson could see right through to my soul.

But suddenly that all changes. It's not like I expect him to get along with my new boyfriend. Or even_ like_ him for that matter. My other boyfriends always turned out to be either a jerk, or a loser. I always ended up with my heart slightly broken and, of course Fredward, being admittedly one of my best friends, always ended up angered by this.

But he's never hated any of my boyfriends more than he has hated Jeff Golden. And it makes me madbecause I really do like Jeff a lot. Since the whole Jonah thing, the dork has become pretty conscious of who I date, even though I tell him it's none of his nubby business. It kind of scares me, not knowing what he's feeling. After all, I have known him for like my whole life. But he really seems to detest this one guy who hadn't even come close to hurting me. I want to ask him why he's like this, but admitting that I don't understand will make it come true. Our bond will have broken. Our bond of understanding.

I want to force it out of him. Make him tell me the truth...

It's uncomfortable, not knowing what's going on in his head. It drives me insane, I force myself to believe that he's just being overprotective. I mean we are friends right?

But it scares me. What if... I don't understand him anymore?

**A/N: Reviews are appreciated!**


	2. Jealousy

**A/N:Hey all you readers out there! Thanks to any of those who reviewed the first chapter of my first fanfic! And now, here's chapter two!  
**

_Disclaimer: I do not own iCarly, or any of the characters in this story. Well- except for Jeff, who is very much mine. :)_

_Jealousy_**  
**

_ Freddie's POV_

_"_Can we please take a break?" Carly complained. I raised my eyebrows in surprise. "We've only been studying for twenty minutes. Don't tell me Sam's slacker attitude is starting to rub off on you?" I teased, a smirk spreading on my lips. Carly looked offended. "No, I just really hate math. I always have. Can't we take a little break? Please? For me?"

A year ago, that would have made my heart melt. I would have given in in a second. But my crush on Carly Shay had faded slowly as the days progressed. I began to look at her as just my friend. She always had been, but I was too blinded by 'true love' to see it. Gazing around the Shay's living room, I think back and wonder why I thought I loved Carly. Because she's nice, caring, smart, pretty, and we have fun doing iCarly and hanging out. But she's like family to me. Her and Spencer. She was like my sister and Spencer, like my brother. I was always welcome at her apartment, which is conveniently across the hall from mine. I guess I liked her because she was always so perfect. I realized how boring perfect really was when I kissed Sam.

Sam, my frienemy. Sam, who always picks on me, beats me up, puts me down, makes me angry, makes me love her. That's right. I've given up denying it. I like Sam. I'm not going to tell her, because I don't have a death wish. Plus I don't plan on going through the rest of my life begging Sam to go out with me, getting rejected. I've had enough of that with Carly. But this is different than what I though I had for Carly. I really, really like Sam. She's her own person. So aggressive, so fun, so carefree. It's like she owns the world. She always has to get her way. Always. And it drives me crazy knowing that I can't have her. Knowing that if I told her that I was as good as over.

So I live my life each day in Sam's presence. Pretending I don't care. Pretending I don't love the smell of Sam's sweet smelling passion fruit soap. Her long, curly, golden locks, her clear bright ocean blue eyes. Instead I continue to argue with her, insult her. I've also come to find that arguing with her isn't as horrible as it seems. It's kinda fun, teasing her, watching her get mad. Watching her cheeks glow that familiar angry red-

"Freddie!" Carly yells. I snap out of my fantasies and look at her, startled. She looks concerned. "I've called your name five times. What's on your mind?" I shrug. No way I can tell Carly. "Nothing. What's up?" I can tell she's disappointed that I won't tell her. But she lets it go for now. " I was trying to tell you that Sam just texted me," she continued, peering at her cell phone, missing the smile that just crept up my face at the mention of Sam's name. "She said she's on her way over. Maybe we could rehearse for iCarly?" She said hopefully. "That way I get my break and we get to have fun at the same time. It's a win-win right?" I sigh.

"Fine." The real reason I give in is because I get to spend a hour looking at Sam's beautiful face through my camera lens. I smile absentmindedly. I can see Carly looking at me out of the corner of my eye so I quickly stop smiling. She has a very confused look on her face and is about to say something when the door swings open and slams shut. Sam for sure. She didn't even have the courtesy to knock."What goes on people?" she asks nonchalantly. So I decide to tease her about it. "Ever heard of knocking Puckett?" She replies by pushing me to the ground and stealing my spot on the couch beside Carly. I roll my eyes, ignoring the tingling feeling in my stomach when her hands made contact with my body.

Carly pretends she doesn't notice our usual act of unkindness towards each other. "Freddie and I were just saying that now is the perfect time to rehearse for iCarly. You up for it?" Sam shrugged. "Sure." Then she glares at the coffee table in disgust. "What up with all the books and pencils?" I smirked. "They're math books. You know, for that little thing called _school?_

She fixed her glare on me instead. Uh oh. "Can it, Benson," she says simply, reaching for the television remote. "Hey Carls, toss me the the re-mo. I'm in the mood for some Girly Cow." "

No way!" I argue. "Can't you see we're studying here?"

"I thought we were going to rehearse," Carly says. We both ignore her.

"Why don't you go watch T.V. at your _own_ house for once?" I scoff. She raises her fist threateningly. I smirk. I sure am feeling brave today. "Oh yeah," I continue."You probably don't have cable at that dump. Or your Mom is saving the money for the cat's orthodontist appointment. She jumps up and faces me menacingly. "You're dead Fredcakes." And then I take off, screaming at the top of my lungs. "Carly! HELP!" Sam is fast. Very fast. She's gaining on me. She chases me around the kitchen counter, her fair flying behind her. A ferocious grin playing on her lips. Her soft, sweet, kissable lips... I find myself stopping and staring at Sam's mouth. Admiring the natural pink color of her lips.

Then I'm grabbing my arm in pain. She's twisting my arm back, I realize. "Apologize, Benson!" She yells. I guess she took my sudden stop for exhaustion. "I-I'm sorry I made fun of your house- augh!"

"And what else?"

"A-And your Mom!"

She twists my arm back even further and I yelp in pain.

"And your cat!"

She drops my arm in satisfaction, then makes her way back over to the couch, grabbing the remote and turning on the T.V.

Carly, who had been ignoring the whole thing, looks at Sam. "So what took you so long to get here? I was expecting you, like forty minutes ago." A wide, pretty smile suddenly spread across Sam's face. "Oh yeah I almost forgot. I have a surprise for you...and the dork." I look at her in shock, still clutching my throbbing arm. "_You,_ have a surprise? What is it? A lifetime supply of ham?" Not the best thing to say. She turns and glares at me evily. I apologize quickly and she turns back to Carly. "You'll see," she says excitedly. I can't help but stare again. When she's excited, it just makes me want to grab her and kiss her. To be excited with her. To hold her hand and run my fingers through her beautiful golden blond-

"What the heck are you staring at , nub?"

I turn away.

"Nothing."

Her gaze lingers on me, then she turns away too.

"Creep," she murmurs.

I spin around.

"I heard that!"

"I don't care."

"STOP!" Carly screeched.

Sam and I fell silent.

"Sam, apologize to Freddie."

Sam turned to me and looked me over. Then faced Carly again with folded arms.

"Nope."

"Sam-"

"_No_," she says firmly.

She glares at me. Her evil deadly glare.

Then the doorbell rings.

"I'll get it!" I volunteer quickly. I move to the door but Carly holds me back. "No sudden movements," she warns me, nodding in Sam's direction. Sam looks as if she's about to pounce, eyes fixed on me in an unchanging, stubborn glare. "Spencer! Come get the door!"

We hear a loud thumping noise coming from Spencer's room. He appears moments later covered from head to toe in purple paint. "Er, kinda sticky here, Carls." Carly shrugged. "Just get the door." Grumbling, he obeys, getting paint on the knob as he opened the front door. "Uh- who the heck are you?"Spencer asks pointedly. We all forget our 'situation' and hurry to the door behind Spencer. At the door stands a guy, about our age, with shiny black hair, curly and longish. His bright blue eyes were anxious and a silver stud glittered in his right ear. "Carly, do you know this young man?" Spencer asks sternly. Carly shakes her head no. "I've never seen him before in my li-"

"JEFF!" Sam squeals, pushing Spencer out of the way (getting paint on her arms in the process) and taking the strange guy's hand. The door slams behind her as she pulls 'Jeff' into the Shay's living room.

I can't think straight. My mind goes blank. My eyes focused on Sam and Jeff's intertwined fingers.

After a moment or two of puzzling at them, I realize that he's holding her hand.

Carly and Spencer are both staring hard at Sam, mouths agape.

I realize I'm doing the same and I shut my lips closed.

"Carls, Fredqueer, Spencer- meet Jeff Golden. My new boyfriend!" she flashes a adorable smile at Jeff. Her eyes glowing in happiness.

I feel a lump in my throat.

A strange jumpy feeling in my stomach.

My head is spinning.

I was so confused at that moment that I didn't understand anything what anybody was saying.

I didn't hear Carly's excited reply.

I didn't hear Spencer introduce himself.

I didn't understand anything.

Besides the fact that I hated Jeff with all my heart, soul, and mind.

**A/N: Looks like our little tech producer is *gulps*_ jealous?_ Haha, we'll see where this goes. Review!  
**


	3. Finally Friends

_Finally Friends  
_

**A/N: Hey, people! It's me, Sushihiro, with chapter three of my first fanfic, iHate Jeff. You guys get to learn a little bit about Jeff's personality in this chapter...let's just say that he and bloody movies don't mix. By the way, they are all seventeen in this story. Enjoy!  
**

_Disclaimer: I do not own iCarly._

_Carly's POV_

OMG, I can't believe that Sam has a boyfriend and she didn't even tell me! I'm going to kill her! But I'm way too excited to be angry right now. I give Sam a tight squeeze. "This is so great!" I shout gleefully. Sam giggled. Wait- _giggled?_ I can hardly believe it. In all my years of knowing Sam Puckett I have never once heard her giggle. Wow, this whole boyfriend thing really brings out her inner girl. I release Sam and grin at her. I see Spencer let out a deep breath he had been holding out of the corner of my eye. I'll bet you my stamp collection that he's just relieved that Jeff didn't turn out to be my boyfriend. For some reason, he still hasn't gotten used to the fact that am old enough to date. I roll my eyes in his direction.

Suddenly, he's all happy and he rushes up to Jeff. "Hey, I'm Spencer, Sam's best friend Carly's big brother/ legal guardian," he says cheerfully. Jeff smiles politely and he and Jeff shake hands. I turn to Jeff next."I'm Carly! Sam's best friend/ Spencer's little sister and legal ward." He laughs and suddenly looks more relaxed. He is SO CUTE when he laughs! Oh, who am I kidding, he's just down right cute! Sam shoves Freddie forward. "Introduce yourself, freak" she demanded. Freddie looked Jeff up in down in distaste. I frown. What's eating him?

"I'm-uh- Freddie," he says lamely. Jeff, oblivious to Freddie's actions, extends his hand. "Nice to meet you, Freddie." Freddie looks like he is squeezing the guy's fingers off. I see Jeff wince in slight pain. Freddie suddenly realizes what he's doing and lets go. Okay, this is getting weird. Freddie doesn't seem to like Jeff very much. He's probably worried. Sam's last two boyfriends didn't go very well, and she ended up getting hurt, I understand how he feels. I give Freddie a reassuring smile.

"Well kiddo's I'm gonna go wash up," Spencer says, holding up his paint- covered hands. "How do spaghetti tacos sound for dinner?" I grinned. Nothing in the world tastes better to me than one of Spencer's famous spaghetti tacos. "Awesome!"

"Cool," Sam says.

"What are spaghetti tacos?" Jeff mused.

And Freddie just grunts in reply.

Spencer sprints away and Jeff looks at me. I giggle."Spencer invented them," I answer. "Just your basic spaghetti in a taco shell." Jeff wrinkled his nose. He looks so adorable when he does that...God, Sam is so lucky! "Don't worry," Sam says. "They taste awesome." Freddie rolled his eyes. "Everything tastes awesome to _you_, Sam. I bet you'd eat the couch if it could fit into your mouth."

Sam whirls around and faces Freddie, fire in her eyes. "How about you eat my fist?" she yells, knocking him to the ground, literally trying to force her fist into his mouth. I turn away, ignoring them until I notice the bizarre look on Jeff's face, then we both burst out laughing. "What's up with them?"

I smile."That's just how they communicate. Better get used to it, they're like this all the time."

For some reason his smile fades. I don't want to give him the wrong idea, so I add the fact that they've kinda hated each other since I introduced them years ago. He doesn't look very reassured. He just shrugs. Not wanting to make it worse, I turn back to the fight. Oh course Sam is winning. She has Freddie pinned down, sitting on his stomach, struggling to stuff her fist between his lips.

Jeff and I watch until Sam successfully shoves her fist into his mouth. I hurry over and pull her off. I don't normally interfere with Sam and Freddie's fights, but she really could suffocate him.

Freddie breathed heavily. "Gosh-Sam-you-almost-killed-me!"

She grins.

"That's the idea, genius."

"Know what, Puckett?"

"What, Benson?"

"ENOUGH!" I interrupt.

"How about we do something until dinners ready? You know it will take a while for Spencer to wash all that paint off. How about we watch a movie?" I suggest.

Freddie shook his head.

"Not until Sam promises not to put her fist in my mouth ever again!"

Sam shrugged.

"Done. Just don't make fun of my eating habits ever again, nub."

Freddie grinned. Then turned, and his grin suddenly fades, remembering that Jeff is here.

"Um...you know Carly, maybe we should just read a book instead. Or we could finish that math homework?"

Ew, math! I wrinkle my nose in disgust. "No way, Freddie!" I protest.

He folds his arms.

"I'm not in the mood to watch a movie."

I think fast. "How about you get to pick?"

His face lights up.

He hasn't chosen a movie for us to watch in three years. Ever since he chose that really boring Sci-fi movie, Sam never let him pick again.

Sam's face broke into a wicked smile.

"Ooh, choose something bloody!"

Jeff's face turns pale.

"_Bloody?"_

I'm guessing he's got a weak stomach.

"Yeah, it'll be awesome," she says, totally missing the horrified expression on Jeff's face. She turns and hurries upstairs. "Come see the studio," she ordered.

His face brightened a little bit. "You mean like where you guys do iCarly?" Sam grinned. "Duh, C'mon!" He hurriedly followed after her. Freddie didn't budge.

"Freddie?"

He turned to me.

"What's up? You don't seem to like Jeff a whole lot."

He shrugged. "Yeah, well...he's probably a jerk."

I knew it. He's just worried. I give his hand a squeeze. I'm surprised when he doesn't get all 'I-love-Carly' crazy. In fact, he doesn't even seem to notice that I'm touching him. He suddenly looks up at me. "Do you think she really likes him?" he asks. I think about that for a moment. She most likely does. It's a very comfortable relationship, unlike the one she had with Pete, when she couldn't be herself. It's also more toned down than he cutesy relationship with Jonah. It's like if I didn't know they were dating, I would think they were just friends. And that's a important thing to have with someone you like. I really think she does like him and I say so.

Freddie sighs.

I smile. It's kinda cute, the way Freddie has started to care about Sam so much. It's like a dream come true, I thought they'd never start to act like friends. It used to really worry me.

"Even if she does like him, there's no need for you to be so bitter to Jeff. Sam can take care of herself. And she really seems to be happy around him. Please try to be nice to him. For me?" I added gently. I didn't expect what he said next.

"You know, that stopped working, like two years ago."

My jaw dropped.

"Y-You mean you don't like me like that anymore?"

He shrugged.

"I guess not. I mean, you're a great friend, don't get me wrong, but when I really think about why I liked you in the first place, it wasn't about anything genuine. I liked that you were nice to me. That you cared about me. It was true friendship all along."

I almost explode with happiness. Freddie's finally over me!

Now I don't have to worry about hurting his feelings, putting him down. I can just be his friend, without having to put up with his one-sided feelings.

I beam at him. "Wow, Freddie! You know, I bet there's someone out there for you. Someone who will match you, who will meet your needs. Someone real."

Now he smiles, if not a little sadly. I wonder what's up with that?

"Do you really think so?" He sighs. "I'm really sorry, you know...for putting pressure on you even after you already rejected me. You didn't deserve that."

I start to smile and then I pull him into a tight hug. I release him quickly to see that his sad look had slightly disappeared.

Then without another word, we head up to the iCarly studio together for the first time as nothing but friends with no walls between us.

**A/N: I had a lot of fun writing this chapter from Carly's point of view. I personally find I'm best at getting inside Freddie's head (even though I'm a girl...weird...). Anyway, I put a little bit of Creddie in there. I really do not support the Creddie romantic relationship, but that friendship scene is really important to me. There's your dose of Creddie, for those of you who like that pairing. There is a lot of Creddie friendship in this story, and writing those scenes are fun. Review, please!**


	4. Hating This Feeling

_Hating This Feeling  
_

**A/N: Here is chapter four of _iHate Jeff!_  
**

_Disclaimer: I do not own iCarly._

_ Freddie's POV_

I'm going to go crazy. I hate this Jeff guy. I hate every single thing about him. From his 'perfect blue eyes' to his stupid earring.

Sam can't continue to go out with him. I won't let her...

Hold on Freddie. Calm down. This isn't as bad as it seems.

The girl that your head over heels in love with is just dating some strange dude who's afraid of bloody movies.

This is bad.

Sam is mine and nobody else's. This is killing me. I hate this feeling; burning in my throat, making my stomach lurch. It isn't fair.

Why did I have to fall in love with_ Sam_, of all people?

The one who does whatever she wants, when she wants, strange, adventurous, daring things. Bossing around anybody she feels like bossing around. Yelling at random people, eating whatever won't eat her first... I'm officially out of my mind.

Carly Shay is hugging me, and all I'm thinking about is Sam.

Oh yeah, I just told her I wasn't in love with her anymore.

Does this whole love thing come with short term memory loss as a side effect?

Carly pulls away and smiles at me. It makes me feel good. I really like just being Carly's friend. When I think about it, I was being very unfair to her, asking her out all the time. All along, she just wanted us to be good friends.

We go up to the studio together.

Through the glass doors, I can see Sam, holding Jeff's hand. They're staring at the ceiling and Sam's pointing. They both laugh.

Carly and I go in.

"That's where we hung the bra who told ghost stories," She was saying.

"And here-" She said, holding up her blue remote."Is my remote. You know with all the sound effects and stuff."

He stared around in awe.

"This place is awesome!"

He's now roaming our studio, examining various old props and random junk.

I wince when he runs a finger over my tech equipment.

That Jerk.

We give Jeff a quick tour of the studio, then Sam demands that I choose a movie. As I look through Carly's DVDs, she continuously nudges me whispering, "Bloody and gory!"

The girl is sick. I have no idea why I'm so crazy about her.

She looks surprised when I choose _The Undead Ninja V.S. The Mummy King_. I once heard Sam talking to Carly about how awesome it is. Which obviously means it will be totally disgusting. But I choose it just to see Sam smile... We-ell _that_ and I want to see Jeff's reaction to it. Maybe Sam will see what a wimp he is and decide to go out with me.

Fat chance.

"Wow dork! Finally you choose a movie that isn't about princess's and talking animals."

"What? I've _never_ chosen a movie about princess's or talking animals, Sam!"

Why does she always have to insult me for no good reason?

"Would you two cut it out? Let's just go watch the movie already. _God!" _Carly rolls her eyes._  
_

Sam smirks and pushes past me, skipping down the stairs. I can't help but watch her curls bounce up and down to her rhythmic skipping. It's strange. One second Sam Puckett is evil, and the next, she is like an innocent child. I must have been staring for too long, because when I look up, Carly and Jeff are both gone too.

Why, oh why am I cursed with these affections for Sam?

I take the stairs two at a time. When I reach the living room, Sam is already sitting beside Jeff. She's vibrating up and down in excitement as Carly slips the DVD into the player. Sam sits up and looks around, spotting me. "What took you so long, dork?"

I shrug.

She patted the other spot beside her.

"Sit next to me," She orders.

At that moment, Carly turns off the lights. So Sam couldn't see me blushing, thankfully.

I felt my stomach jump. Could there be hope?

Then I feel silly, remembering...

She has a boyfriend.

I sigh and plop down beside her. Our knee's are barely touching.

Sam doesn't notice, she's staring at the screen, watching the opening previews, still bouncing, but softer.

I have the sudden urge to take her hand and bounce with her.

But I don't. I stare straight ahead at the screen.

The movie is as gross as I thought it would be. I mean, how can you watch this stuff?

At one particularly nasty part, I slowly turn and look at Jeff.

He looks a little green.

I smirk and face the screen again.

It's especially funny when the main character's head explodes and blood gushes everywhere.

Sam bursts into a fit of giggles. Jeff is staring at her in shock.

But I'm unfazed by it. I'm used to Sam's sickening behavior.

This Jeff guy really isn't right for her. I know completely nothing about him. She probably doesn't either.

Wait Freddie, don't jump to conclusions.

I let out a deep sigh.

Sam looks at me.

"What up, nub?" she says quietly.

I just shrug.

"I'm gonna go-uh- help Spencer out in the kitchen."

She looks me over, as if confirming it. Then raises her eyebrow.

"Kay, whatever."

I silently get up and make my way to the kitchen. I have to tell somebody about this.

When I go into the kitchen I see two plates piled high with taco shells and a giant bowl of sauce-less spaghetti.

Spencer is at the stove stirring a pot of pasta sauce. He turns around and sees me.

"Hey, Freddo."

I glance at him before sitting on a stool at the counter.

"Hey Spence."

I must have looked pretty bothered, because he quickly wiped his hands on his cooking apron and sat beside me.

"What's troubling you?"

I sighed.

"I have a girl problem."

He smiled knowingly.

"Tell the master all about it."

I stare at the ceiling, lost in thought.

I don't want to be too obvious, so I carefully phrase what I'm about to say.

"There's this girl at school who I like. And uh, we're pretty good friends, but I don't think she likes me the way I like her. You get me?" I look at him to make sure we're on the same page. Cause you know how Spencer can be.

But he nods.

"Go on."

"I don't know if she likes me back, and I don't want to ruin this whole thing that we have. So I never plan on telling her. But this whole thing is eating me alive. What should I do?"

He grinned.

"We're not talking about my little sister here, are we?"

I shook my head.

"No, I'm over Carly. It's a lot less tiring to just be her friend you know?"

He smiled uncertainly.

"Alrighty. Then I think you should tell her. I mean, what have you got to lose? Well there _is_ your friendship-"

Gee, thanks...

"Spence, I can't tell her. That's out of the question."

I was unsurprised to find him staring at the wall ahead dreamily.

"Spencer?"

He blinks at me.

"Huh? Oh, I was just remembering _my_ second crush. Her name was Penelope Wellington. She was great. She loved zebra skin and the color pink..."

"Hey , uh- Spence? Could we stay on subject here, please?"

"Yeah, sorry. "

"I was saying that I definitely could not tell her my feelings. "

He frowns.

"That's crazy talk, Freddie. You'll never ever know if you were meant to be if you don't give this thing a try. My advice is to tell her. A great load will be lifted and even if she never wants to talk to you again, what's done is done."

"No way in the universe am I going to tell Sam that I'm in love with her! If she finds out-"

"Whoa, wait. This is Sam we're talking about, here?"

I can feel the blood rushing to my face. I swear my heart stops beating.

I don't know what came over me.

"W-Wait. I-I didn't just say that."

A knowing smile is slowly spreading across Spencer's face.

"I knew it."

Oh my God.

"Hold on Spencer, I didn't mean-"

"This is awesome! Oh wow, I knew it since day one. You love Sam! Yesss!"

My hands are trembling. I place them on the counter to steady myself.

Spencer is doing a little jig in the middle of the kitchen.

I keep my head down in shame.

Good going, Freddie.

Sam's right. You're a real idiot.

I cover my face with my hands. I can't believe what I just said out loud. I'm so stupid.

The kitchen door opens and someone comes in. I don't raise my head to see. Right now I really don't care.

"What's going on in here? Why'd you leave, Freddie?"

Carly.

I look up slowly.

She looks puzzled.

"Why are you all red?"

Spencer saves the day.

"Oh, we were just having some man talk," he replies, patting my shoulder.

Carly shrugs.

"Oh. Well Sam wanted a snack. What do we have?"

As Carly and Spencer dug through the cabinets for food, I slipped out without them noticing. I guess I could just watch the end of this stupid movie, eat a taco, and go home. I can't stand one more minute of that stupid Jeff guy-

Then I see it.

Sam and Jeff. Snuggled together on the couch. Staring deep into each others eyes. Their heads getting closer together.

Noses almost touching.

I can't take it.

I clear my throat.

They both look up.

Sam looks surprised. Jeff looks slightly annoyed.

"Um, I'm gonna go. Could you-uh- tell Carly I'll see her tomorrow?"

Before Sam can say a word, I'm out the door and across the hall. I shift through my pockets for my apartment key. My vision blurring by the second. I unlock the door and run inside, into my room. Quietly, so that my mom won't hear. I gently shut the door and lock it. I slide my back against it. My hands on my face. I can already feel the tears in between my fingers.

I hate this feeling more than I've ever hated any feeling before. I hated it way more than any kind of possible physical injury.

This was far more painful. I move to my bed and lay my head on my pillow. Crying harder than I ever have in my life.

Of all the mental and physical harm that Sam Puckett has ever done to me in my lifetime. This was by far, the worst. She's hurt me in a way that could damage my soul permanently.

She tore my heart open and ripped it up into millions of little pieces that night without even realizing it.

**A/N: Aw, sad Freddie! :( Reviews make me happy!**


	5. Lonely

_Lonely  
_

**A/N: Have no fear! Chapter five is here!**

_Disclaimer: I own not the property of iCarly._

_ Carly's POV_

It's been a week.

One entire week since Freddie, one of my best friends in the world, has spoken to me.

I ask myself, _why?_

What have I done to him?

I think...

I ponder for minutes, sometimes hours at a time...

The conclusion is always the same.

I can't think of one thing.

I've tried everything.

I've tried calling him, and texting him, and I've even gone over to his apartment once or twice.

Of course he was 'never home'.

Once, I even went over to him in school, at his locker, and talked to him, directly face to face.

He definitely wasn't himself.

He looked extremely tired, his eyes red and puffy, with bags under them. His body slouched in a very un-Freddie-like manner. He was even wearing a wrinkled shirt. I couldn't help but wonder for a moment how his mother let him get away with that.

I pretended I hadn't noticed his unusual profile and walked over to him casually.

I told him hey.

He said 'hey' back.

I reminded him about iCarly that night.

He said 'yeah'.

And that was it.

If I had stayed and tried to talk to him a second longer, I would have been late for class.

Turns out, he _did_ show up for iCarly.

He barely said two words the whole time, and even though his eyes focused one the camera, I could tell his heart wasn't in it.

He seemed very far away. Distant...

And Sam was no help either.

She hadn't noticed Freddie's behavior at all, thanks to Jeff.

She has been spending more and more time with him.

So much time, she hasn't been paying any attention to her best friend.

Can't she see this is tearing me apart?

Freddie is supposed to be our friend.

We're supposed to love and care for him.

That's what friends are for, right?

And I always considered myself a good friend to Sam and Freddie.

So why in the world did I feel so... _alone?_

I can't ignore this issue any longer.

I need to take matters into my own hands.

I sit up on my bed and look around for my pack. It's tossed away in a corner on the other side of my bedroom.

I climb off the bed and make my way over to it.

I grabbed my cell out of the front pocket and dialed Freddie's number.

It rang once.

It rang twice.

It rang three times.

I was beginning to go frantic.

On the last ring, I heard someone pick up.

_"Hello?"_

"Freddie?"

_"...Hey Carly...what's going on?"_

"Oh um, I was wondering if you wanted to come over and study. Like, now?"

Silence on the other end.

_"Um, I- my mom will be home early tonight. I think she said something about us doing a jigsaw puzzle together."_

I sighed, my voice wavering.

"F-Freddie, please come over now. I really need some help with my homework. You don't have to stay long. Just- please..."

More silence.

_"Okay."_

I could feel myself smiling.

"Thanks."

_Click._

He hung up.

I frown at the phone then slide it into my pocket.

As I make my way into the living room, I hear a knock on the door.

I race to it, then pull it quickly open.

"Freddie!"

I throw myself at him.

I can't help it, I've barely seen him for a week. I missed him so much.

I hug him for at least five seconds before I pull away, looking him over quickly.

He looks more tired than I've ever seen him look in my life. There are bags under his eyes, his hair is a mess, and his shirt is, once again, slightly wrinkled.

"Hi, Carly."

I lead him inside and he sits beside me on the couch.

He reaches into his pack for his books, but I stop him.

"Hey, Freddie?"

"Yeah?"

"How come you haven't come over all week? You haven't even been talking to me in school."

I'm not looking at him as I say this. I'm afraid of the expression on his face.

I keep my eyes focused on my hands, chipping the blue paint off of my nails.

He doesn't say anything for a while.

Hesitantly, I look up.

Tears are streaming down his face.

"F-Freddie?"

He's completely breaking down. And I watch him in shock. I've never seen Freddie cry like this. It really breaks my heart. What in the world could I have done to him?

I put my arms around him and hold him tight.

I need to get to the bottom of this.

"Freddie, what's wrong?" I finally say.

My question hangs in the air for a moment as he struggles to calm the now uncontrollable sobbing.

"I-I um, I got a 'B' on my math test?

I'm insulted that he thinks I'd buy that. Whatever is really bothering him must be serious. Does he really think that he needs to lie to me?

"_That's_ it?"

He chews his lip for a moment.

"My grades are really important to me, Carly."

I suddenly turn angry. What kind of reason was this?

I look him straight in the eye.

"Tell me that's not true. You know that's not true. Why are you suddenly avoiding me Freddie? What have I _done?_ Did I do something wrong?"

He looks really guilty.

"I'm not lying," he says, hesitating before he continued." It's just- you know we never got to finish studying last week because Sam bought her- boyfriend- over. So I never got to finish. I guess I was kind of mad at you for suggesting we watch a movie when we really needed to study."

I felt nothing but anger and frustration at this point. I know that this has nothing to do with a stupid math grade! Freddie is sitting here in my living room, crying his eyes out! He's obviously really upset about something. Something that must really be hurting him to the breaking point. It was hurting me too. To know that he was feeling such intense pain, and he couldn't confide in me.

I jump up from the couch.

"We're supposed to be _friends_, Freddie! I thought we weren't going to keep secrets from each other anymore! What happened to that, huh?"

He turned his back on me.

The room falls silent.

The only sounds, my angry breathing, and Freddie's quiet sobs.

I watch his shaking form and suddenly feel sorry for him.

I try to calm myself as I stop and think about this. Seriously, I mean, it's not like I really know what's going on. I can't just accuse him of not being a good friend. This could have absolutely nothing to do with me, I realize.

I place my hand on Freddie's shoulder.

"I'm sorry." I say gently.

His body tenses up at my touch.

Then he lets out a sigh of relief.

"Me too," he mumbled.

"I'm sorry I haven't come over, or called, or spoken to you in a week. I was just- really mad at you. I haven't gotten a 'B' in three years. I was kind of aiming for all 'A's' on my report card."

Whatever. I still didn't believe that was his reason for ignoring me. But all I cared about right now was that he was over it.

I hugged him.

"Just never do that again," I said, my voice cracking. "It was really scary, I was starting to think that I had no more friends..." I said accidentaly.

I didn't really want him to know that Sam hadn't really been paying attention to me.

Oops.

I covered up my embarrassment with a lowly, forced laugh.

He looked down on me in confusion, which slowly turned to anger. He pulled away from my embrace and placed his hands on my shoulders.

His eyes burned into mine. I could see something in them. Something like- hurt?

"What about Sam? She's your best friend, right? Hasn't she been around?"

I chewed on my bottom lip.

"Actually she has... but you know, with her having a new boyfriend and all, she hasn't had her full attention on me and my problems. She's not completely obsessed like she was with Jonah, but she was a little distracted. Just the tiniest bit." I added quickly.

Freddie's face did not soften. He folded his arms and gave me a hard glare.

"Didn't I tell you that that Jeff was a bad egg? Sam could do so much better than a squeamish guy who's afraid of horror movies-" He paused.

His face reddened.

I smile gently. I never thought Freddie would ever care about Sam like this.

I gave him a soft pat on the arm.

"Don't worry about Sam. She can take care of herself."

Suddenly his face broke out into a familiar smile.

"Yeah, she can... I don't know what I was thinking." He said, staring up at the ceiling in thought.

This is so weird. I'm not used to seeing Freddie so spacey. He must be tired.

"Hey Freddie?"

"Hm?"

"I think you should go home and get some sleep," I said firmly.

To my surprise, he didn't object.

"Yeah, your probably right."

He stood up.

"I'm gonna get going. Thanks, Carly. And again, I'm really sorry I'm avoided you. I didn't mean to make you so upset. And if I had known that Sam hadn't been there for you... I think it would have been different. I'm just... sorry."

I smiled brightly.

My first genuine smile in a week.

"Aw, that's okay."

He turned to go, then suddenly turned around to face me.

"Oh, and Carls?"

"Yeah?"

"You never really called me to study- right?"

A mischievous smile played on my lips.

"Nope."

He shook his head and headed towards the front door.

He gave a little wave, and with that, he was out and across the hall to his apartment.

The lonely feeling inside had subsided a little.

But I knew of course, that my worries weren't over.

I still didn't know why Freddie _had _been upset in the first place. Freddie was never a good liar; that report card story he tried to feed me was total baloney.

And Sam...

I knew one thing for sure.

I needed my best friends back.

**A/N: Reviews please me. **


	6. Love Really Is Unexpected Isn't It?

_Love Really Is Unexpected, Isn't It?  
_

**A/N: Chapter six is here! Enjoy!**_  
_

_Disclaimer: I am a 14 year old, eighth grade girl. Dan Schneider is a forty-four year old Man. Obviously, the age and gender do not add up. If you are slow, then I will get to the point. Dan Schneider = Owner of iCarly. Shannon H. = Owner of stuffed cat. If you are super slow, then I do not own iCarly.  
_

_ Sam's POV  
_

"You're looking pretty hot today, baby."

I blushed. Ugh, I hate it when I blush, but when it comes to this guy, I can"t help it. I looked down at myself. I was wearing tight black jeans, and a small, dark green tank top.

Jeff looked me up and down, grinning wickedly.

I knew I should have worn a different shirt. It's a hot day, so I wanted to wear something that wasn't too warm. It was Friday evening, of course, the perfect night to hang out with your hot new boyfriend, and I was doing just that. I was at his apartment in Bushwell plaza, bored, and ready to have a good time. I was standing in Jeff's doorway, hands on my hips as his eyes lingered on my chest.

I smiled slyly and shoved him.

"Do you plan on actually letting me _inside?_"

He blinked.

"What? Oh, yeah of course. Come on in." He moved aside and allowed me entrance into his living room. Immediately I pushed him onto the couch and kissed him full on the mouth. I could feel him smiling against my lips as he wrapped his arms around me and leaned deeper into the kiss. Good gravy, his lips are so hot!

No joke, these past five months have been the best of my life. Jeff Golden was the new kid at Ridgeway, he's a senior, like me, and he's my age. Plus he is totally and completely _gorgeous_. He is the awesomest dude in the world, and the greatest kisser. Seriously, I could make out with this guy all day!

Our relationship isn't only based on kissing, (even though that wouldn't really bother me if it did) it's also based on fun and excitement. He's the only other kid that I know who could egg Ms. Brigg's car faster than I can! He's got mad skills. And the best thing about him, he's always got food around. I mean, there's never been a time when I was with Jeff and I was hungry. He has his pockets stashed with food for me, and, like every night we go out to eat. And he pays!

Come on, if he isn't the perfect boyfriend, then I don't know who the heck is!

Jeff interrupted my thoughts, pulling away from the kiss. I was shocked, we haven't even gotten to the good part yet!

"Dude, what's your chiz?"

"I have to tell you something..." he said quietly, looking down at his shoes, fidgeting.

Um, since when did my bad boy fidget?

A jolt of fear raced through my body. Oh my God! No, no no no no! This is way too soon for him to break up with me. We've only been dating for five months, making our relationship the longest one I've ever had. I really liked being with him and now it's all going to be over!

Wait a sec.

I'm not some crybaby little pansy like Carly. I'm Sam Puckett, if this guy breaks up with me, I'll just beat him to a pulp. Duh.

I still don't feel reassured. Just play it cool, Sam. I rolled my eyes in what I hoped looked like annoyance.

"Can it wait until after our make out session?"

He bit his bottom lip, looking down.

"You know what? It's actually not that important..."

I folded my arms.

"Tell me."

His head snapped up.

"No, really! I was just being stupid... It's nothing."

He stood up, holding out his hand to me. I took it and I stood too.

"Let's go on and get something to eat. We'll go wherever you like. My treat."

I grinned, the anxious feeling inside slowly fading away.

If he was going to break up with me, then he wouldn't go to the trouble of feeding me fir-

Oh God, actually that makes perfect sense!

If he broke up with me while I was hungry it would be the end of him for sure! He would most likely endure less pain if I were full of food. Here comes that anxious feeling again. I can't believe that after all this time with Jeff, he was really going to end it. I've never liked anybody more... he was the perfect guy for me and if we were done, then I would be back to spending my life in front of Carly's television watching Girly Cow eating tubs and tubs full of chocolate pudding and maybe a sumptuous ham, all plump and juicy. I could even go for a tender steak...

Oh, now I'm fantasizing about food!

My stomach grumbled loudly and Jeff laughed.

"Looks like we better hurry." He teased.

I nodded eagerly..

As we made our way outside of the apartment building, he slung his arm around my shoulders.

I looked up at him. He looked down at me. Even though he was acting normal, I could still sense that something was on his mind. I didn't like that, I needed to know what was up. But if he was going to break up with me, it may as well be on a full stomach. I sighed, of course, kind of bummed out. His eyebrow furrowed in concern.

"Aren't you hungry?" He asked as if it were a very silly question.

Okay, I admit, it was.

"Of course."

He smiled uncertainly.

"Okay... so where to?"

I forced a smile, and kissed his cheek.

"To the steak house."

* * *

"I'll walk you home if you want." Jeff offered, as we exited the restaurant, our hands tightly intertwined.

Even though our date is coming to a close and it doesn't look like he's going to dump me at all, I'm still worried sick. I really didn't feel like going home. Every Friday night, Mom went out on a date with some random boyfriend. It would be quiet and lonely and I really could use some company. I suddenly thought of Carly. Man, I would love to talk to her right now. After she hears about my situation, I know she would comfort me, understand how I was feeling, maybe even cook me up a plate of bacon (yes, I could still gobble up bacon after eating three monster steaks).

"Nah, I'm going to Carly's place. It'll save us both time, and I really want to see her. We haven't spent much time together since I told her we were dating."

It's true, we really haven't spent much time together at all. Besides iCarly of course. Even in school, I've been spending more time with Jeff than with her. I missed her and I'm sure she felt the same. I hope she isn't mad at me. Tonight would be a great night to watch a movie. I could even go for one of those retarded chick flicks that Carls makes me watch.

Jeff nodded, smiling that cute smile. I could see the dimple forming in his right cheek.

"Cool. Then I can still walk with you." He said, blushing a little, squeezing my hand even tighter.

How could I ever have thought he was going to break up with me? He obviously really likes me a lot. But what was he trying to tell me earlier if he wasn't going to break up with me?

Oh, I just had a thought! Maybe he's moving away or something! Maybe his father's job got transferred back to New York!

I let out a depressed sigh and leaned against Jeff's chest. Slowly inhaling his scent. He smelled of fancy cologne. It wasn't my absolute favorite smell, but it was kind of comforting in a way.

He came to a stop in front of the apartment building, I too, stopped.

I pulled away and looked up at him.

Was he going to do it now?

He started fidgeting again. Biting his lower lip, fists clenching and unclenching. The three simple ways to know that he was nervous that I knew so well.

"Jeff? Dude, what's wrong?"

"Wanna go out again tomorrow?" he blurted out.

What? That's it? He was afraid of asking me out? We go out together every Friday evening. Why was it so hard to ask me on a date? Something else is definitely going on...

"Okay. We can go out tomorrow, too." I said suspiciously.

He smiled.

"Awesome. Oh, and wear something nice. No jeans."

I wrinkled my nose.

"Why?"

"Because I'm taking you somewhere special."

"Whatevs, as long as there's food, I'm good."

He chuckled and slung his arm around me, as we began to walk again.

He gave me a clumsy hug when we reached Carly's front door. Then he quickly kissed my forehead and I watched him go. I sighed again. I knew my heart was going to get broken tomorrow.

I twisted the door knob. Locked. Wow, that's weird, Carly always leaves the door unlocked on Friday evenings. She knows my Mom is always on her dates, so she keeps the door unlocked so I can come and sleep over. Hm. Maybe she wasn't home.

I knocked on the Shay's front door for the first time I could remember.

"Yo, Carls! Open up!"

No reply.

So, I did the next best thing, which is pick the lock. I slipped my trusty hair pin from my front jeans pocket and skillfully worked at the lock. After a few seconds, I heard a faint click and the door swung open. Looking inside, I could see that it was dark, besides the light from the television. Squinting, I thought I saw someone on the couch. I flipped the light switch to see Carly curled up on the couch in a light blue blanket, her head resting a pillow, her hair covering her face. A soap opera was on, the volume was turned down too low to hear.

I realized that Carly was sleeping and turned the light off again. Bummer. I really wanted to do something tonight. I thought about going upstairs to change and just sleep in her bed, but I was too bored to go to sleep and I really wanted to get to talk to her. So I made my way over to the couch.

"Carly?" I whispered, touching her shoulder.

She awakened with a start. She sat up and her eyes shot open. I was shocked to see how horrible she looked. She had dried tears on her face and her eyes were slightly bloodshot and filled with sleep. Did something happen?

"Spence?"

"N-No, it's me, Sam." I stammered.

Her eyes focused on me and she blinked.

"Oh my God! Sam, are you okay? Did your date with Jeff go well? You look upset." She said, fully awake now.

"Nevermind about me! What about you? Why do _you _look so upset? What happened? Why didn't you tell me!"

At first she looked confused, then realization dawned on her and she quickly ran her fingers through her messy hair.

"U-Um... it's just.." I could see her struggling to come up with a good lie, but in the end, she sighed, ready to tell the truth.

"It's Freddie."

My heart almost skipped a beat. Something was wrong with Freddie? How come I didn't know about this? Freddie was my best friend too! Even though I told everyone that I hated the dork, he and I really had something special. Before Jeff was in the picture, I would spend more time with Freddie than I would with even Carly. We really had this deep understanding of one another, and once you get passed all the bickering and fighting, we really were close friends. I tried my hardest to stay calm.

"Freddie? What's the matter with him? Well, you know, besides the usual."

She rolled her eyes and glared at me.

"This is serious! He hasn't spoken to me, in like, a week! He doesn't come over unless it's for iCarly and rehearsals. He always looks tired and upset. I called him over here a couple of hours ago. Do you know what he told me, Sam? He told me that he was upset because he got a 'B' on his math exam. A 'B'!"

Fredweird got 'B's' sometimes. Why is that such a big deal? Something else had to be up.

"Know what else?" She continued. " When I asked him if anything was wrong, he cried. I mean he actually broke down and cried. He cried so hard that I swear, my heart broke. I feel like it's all my fault but I don't even know what's going on!" She sobbed, burying her head in my shoulder.

What was that kid's problem? And why didn't he tell me about it? He never kept secrets from me. I suddenly stood up. I knew what I had to do.

"I'm going to go and talk to him."

She jumped up and blocked my pathway

"No! Leave him alone! If he wanted to tell you then he would have. Give him some time! Maybe this has nothing to do with us. Please, don't force it out of him. That's not fair!"

"I'm not going to force it out of him, I just want to talk to him."

"Sam! I think he wants to be alone right now. Can't you wait to talk to him until later? I told him to go and rest, he's probably sleeping."

I glared at my shoes. I guess it could wait until tomorrow. But I'm definitely going to talk to him.

"Fine."

"All right. Now I told you what was wrong, so now you tell me. Why did you look so bummed? Didn't your date go well?" She asked, wiping a few remaining tears from her eyes.

I sighed and plopped beside her on the couch.

"I- I think Jeff is going to break up with me..."

"No!" She gasped.

I nodded sadly.

"How do you know?"

"Well, he was acting all weird. Like, we'd be doing something. Then he would suddenly stop and try to tell me something. But he ended up either telling me that it was nothing or covering it up by saying something else. Serious, Carls, do you think he is going to break up with me?" I gave her a desperate look.

Her face screwed up in thought.

"How else was he acting? I mean, like, was he still his normal sweet, loving, funny self?"

"Well... yeah, but-"

"So maybe he doesn't want to break up. If he still treated you special, why would he want to?"

"I- I don't know. But if he's not going to break up with me, then I think he has some sort of bad news. He's been acting all jumpy and nervous. "

"Did you ask him what was up?"

"More than once."

"Hmm..." She looked up at the ceiling in thought. I was beginning to relax. Knowing that Carly is here for me has really helped.

"Are you sure there was nothing else?" She asked.

"Yeah... oh wait, he asked if I wanted to go out again tomorrow. On a fancy date, he told me to dress up." I said, making a face.

She brightened. "Really? Yay! I get to dress you."

I groaned. Fantastic.

"Maybe that's why Jeff was nervous. Because of the whole fancy date thing. I mean, all guys aren't comfortable with the dressing up, table manners, romantic thing. It makes sense, Sam."

Wow, she was right. Why didn't I think of that?

"You really think so?"

She smiled gently."I know so. Don't worry, I don't think Jeff is going to break up with you anytime soon."

I instantly felt better. I realized that I missed Carly a lot over the past week.

"Hey, Carls? Look I'm sorry about not really being around a lot. I've just been so caught up with the whole ' new boyfriend' thing. I've really missed you and I know you must have been lonely without me. Especially when Freddie hasn't been with you either. I feel bad about it... so, sorry."

Carly suddenly looked like her old self again. Happy and perky. Her face broke into a smile and all of her sleepiness melted away.

"Oh, Sam! You have no idea how much I've missed you and Freddie. I didn't say anything because- I just didn't want to upset you. You know, with you spending so much time with Jeff. I feel so much better now."

I'm glad I came 's happy, I'm reassured, and now, I can sit back and chill for the rest of the night.

"Good. Now, why don't we watch a movie or something?" I suggested. "If your not still tired that is."

"Great idea. As long as I pick. I'm not in the mood to throw up tonight."

"Fine, as long as I get some bacon" I pretended to be annoyed, but I'm glad that she was going to pick. I definitely wouldn't mind watching on of her stupid girly movies.

I sprinted to the kitchen and heated up a tray of turkey bacon.

Once the lights were out, the movie was running, and my bacon was finished, I could feel myself dozing off. It feels like it's been forever since Carly and I spent some time together alone. I tried to stay awake, but I couldn't help it. I was tired and full of meat, so naturally, I couldn't help but go to sleep.

* * *

"I look like a pink daisy."

"Oh, come on! You look great!" Carly said proudly, smoothing out my skirt.

Yes, I was wearing a skirt. Kill me now.

We were standing in front of the long mirror in Carly's bathroom. I was looking at my reflection. I was disgusted/impressed/awed. I didn't know I could look that good. It just didn't feel like my style. But Jeff wanted me to dress this way, and I was going to get free fancy food, so who was I to complain?

"Jeff is going to love you!" Carly squealed. I spun around a few times. I looked amazing, I had to admit.

"Yeah, yeah... let's hurry okay? Jeff will be here any minute."

She looked me over one last time and smiled in satisfaction, then gave me a proud nod. The doorbell rang as we started halfway down the stairs. Carly and I exchanged a nervous look. Then, wordlessly, she rushed back upstairs and I flew down the rest of the stairs, throwing open the door.

"Hey Sam- Oh my God!" He gasped, looking me up and down.

Once again, I found myself blushing. I really hate that. And once again, he was staring at me, drooling.

"Hey kid, quit staring."

His eyes snapped back to my face. "Sorry... you just look... really hot..."

"Thanks" I muttered, embarrassed." Not looking too bad yourself."

It was true, he looked hot in his black jeans, clean white v- neck shirt and dark leather jacket. My eyes lingered on his slightly muscled chest. Man, he was so hot!

"Hey kid, quit staring." He laughed, holding out his hand to me. I took it and together we left the apartment, not able to take our eyes off of each other.

The restaurant that he chose was Italian. But I can't tell you the name of it because I can't pronounce it.

Once we were seated, Jeff turned to me, smiling. "So... you like it?"

I looked around me, the restaurant wasn't too big, or too small. The booths were small and comfortable. I wouldn't call the place _fancy _exactly, not overly fancy anyway.

"It's very homey." I said, grabbing a bread stick from one of the baskets on our table.

His smile widened. "Great." He leaned over and kissed my cheek.

* * *

When we left the Italian place, I was once again nice and full of food. I felt like a princess. Two, large, free meals two days in a row? I am so lucky!

"So, did you enjoy yourself?" He asked hopefully.

"Most definitely."

"Good. Want anything for desert?"

I actually didn't have much room for some big desert, but I was kind of thirsty, and just a little something sweet wouldn't hurt.

"Maybe we could get a couple of smoothies?"

He nodded. So on the way back to Carly's we bought our smoothies from a favorite smoothie shop of ours, The Groovy Smoothie, and headed to Bushwell plaza. I watched Jeff as we walked, watching for some sign that he was going to try to tell me something again. I couldn't read his face this time. He didn't fidget or bite lower lip. He looked calm and unreadable. I let out a small, quiet sigh. Oh well, better enjoy him while I have him. I wrapped my arms around his middle and he absentmindedly put his arms around me. When we reached Carly's door, I let go.

"Goodnight," I said, leaning in to kiss him.

He raised his hand.

"Um, actually, I was wondering... could I stay for a little bit? I need to talk to you."

My heart sank. Well, so long, perfect boyfriend. I tried to play it cool.

"Sure, sure. Come on." I said nonchalantly

I barged inside and kicked off my heels.

"Carly! Jeff and I are back!" I called. She appeared at the top of the stairs, looking worried.

"Hey guys. How did the date go?"

"Awesome." I answered quickly. "Jeff is just going to stay a little bit so we can talk."

Carls and I exchanged a knowing look. She nodded, giving me a kind smile. "Okay. Oh, and when you're through Sam, come on up to the studio. Freddie's here. I figured you'd be back in time for us to rehearse for iCarly."

"Kay. I'll be up in a few."

Once Carly left, Jeff and I sat on the couch, setting our smoothies down on the coffee table.

Jeff heaved a huge sigh and leaned his back against the couch. His eyes were shut tight, and he was so still that I was beginning to get a little scared.

"Jeff?" I almost whispered.

His eyes shot open. He smiled a nervous, forced smile.

"Sam... I- I think I love you."

And that's when my heart stopped beating.

**A/N: Well well! We have got some drama on our hands! Jeff may be the perfect boyfriend but there just _might_ be someone out there who is a little more perfect than he? We'll see! Review :)**


	7. Two Promises

_Two Promises_

**A/N: Look! Here's a new chapter. So read it!**

_Disclaimer: iCarly own don't I. (hehehe, I said it backwards)_

Freddie's POV

I listened to every word in disbelief. Jeff told Sam that he was in love with her?

I wanted to cry, but haven't I done enough of that? What was the point? I also wanted to be angry. But I've done enough of that too. I'm sick and tired of this. If Sam and Jeff love each other, then why should I get in the way? I'm Sam's best friend, right? Best friends aren't selfish. I'm not going to be all sulky and upset because of this.

But what then? Does that mean that I'm giving up?

There is only one Sam Puckett in the world. Only one ferocious blond who loves to torture me, call me names. Nobody could even come close. There will never be another Sam Puckett for me to hold and to live for. And I'm just supposed to walk away from that?

Not without a fight. I'm not going to sit back and let this happen... I can't try and break them up. It would make Sam unhappy. And I can't tell her how I feel, because I would just be causing a whole lot of awkwardness. But I won't let it happen either. I know I'm not making any sense right now, but you understand what I mean by it.

I'm done being sad and angry. I'm done avoiding Carly and making her worry. But this Jeff guy isn't just going to come and take Sam away from me. I'm going to have say about this.

I didn't wait around from my hiding spot at the top of the stairs to hear Sam's reply, I turned on my heel and swiftly walked back up to the studio. The door slammed rather loudly behind me.

Carly turned and gave me a strange look.

Oops. I probably should not have let the door slam like that. I didn't want her to think that I was upset about anything, so I tried my best to look casual.

"Uh... hi?" I said cautiously.

She squinted at me.

"I thought you said you were going to go get some iced teas?"

Uh oh. Kinda forgot about that. I struggled to come up with a reasonable answer, but failed and instead, stammered like a idiot.

"Uh- um... I forgot?"

She looked suspicious. "Oh. You _forgot_. So what did you do out there that was so important that you forgot why you left in the first place?"

She didn't even give me a chance to reply. She came over to me and put an arm around my shoulders. She gave me a serious look then said pointedly,"What's wrong. Tell me." She was asking me anymore. It was a command. I suppose she was fed up with all the lying too. She looked so sincere. So honest. So worried. I couldn't lie to her anymore. She didn't deserve it. I was hurting her, what kind of a friend was I? I tried to calm her down by placing a hand on her back. She saw how I was taking her concern and relaxed, but still gave me a look of expectance .

Sigh. Here goes.

"I like Sam." I said quietly, but loud enough that she could hear me. I wouldn't say that she looked too surprised. In fact, I don't think she quite understood just what I was saying. She frowned for a second or two before her eyes lit up with understanding.

"Oh..." She whispered, her voice cracking. We both just stood there listening to the silence of the sound proof studio. I was surprisingly relaxed after the confession. I realized just how badly I needed to get that off of my chest.

Stunned, she fell back against a bean bag chair. I sat on the one beside her. She was just sitting there. Staring into space. She was taking this mighty well. At least she didn't explode the way she did when she found out that Sam and I kissed.

"Freddie," She said after a while. "How badly do you like Sam?"

I answered her without giving it a second thought. " I'm in _love_ with her."

She bit her bottom lip. "I figured as much...but still. How badly do you want her?"

Honestly, I needed her pretty badly. What was the point of living if you weren't happy? I couldn't be happy if Sam wasn't mine.

I didn't want to go that deep into it with Carly.

"You wouldn't understand." I said in exasperation.

She looked a little annoyed. "Of course I'd understand! What makes you think that I wouldn't? I've seen different sides of you this week Freddie that I didn't even know existed. I saw you hurt. I saw the way you cried. I watched you become a different person, I saw your energy drain... the life get sucked right out of you! I saw-"

I held up my hand to silence her.

"Okay. So maybe you would understand. Judging from what you said, you already know how badly I want Sam. I'm just not myself without her. Even if I can't have her, nobody else can. If she'll never love me, then I don't want her to love anybody. Okay? Are you happy now?" I could feel my temper rising. My hands began to shake. Carly placed both of her soft hands on top of mine and looked me in the eye. My hands stopped shaking at once.

"Listen to me, Freddie. I only asked because I'm worried about you. I guess what I was trying to say was... can you live without her, without being under the subjection of depression? Do you think you could be happy?"

"No." I mumbled hopelessly.

She froze, then slowly lifted her hands off of mine and into her lap.

"Then I don't know what to tell you. I know how much Sam likes Jeff. She trusts him more than any guy she's ever dated. Trouble is, he's a great guy. Sam literally calls him the perfect boyfriend. You need to understand me Freddie. If Sam is serious about Jeff, then you don't have a chance... I'm really sorry, but as your friend, I feel I should tell you the truth." Her eyes began to water.

I didn't want her to cry. I was the one who should have been crying, not her. And this wasn't her fault at all. She's good at blaming herself for everything that goes wrong in her life. My misery shouldn't have effected her this way. My stupid, jealous actions caused her so much pain.

I was going to end all of this. Now.

"Don't cry." I said clearly, sternly.

She immediately obeyed and gasped through her tears, surprised I suppose.

"I- I'm sorry. Just my s-stupid girl hormones. I wasn't trying to cause a scene."

"It's okay." I said, my voice calmer. "Now I don't want you to be upset anymore. You, me and Sam are best friends, no matter what. This week has been crazy. Avoiding and ignoring each other isn't what our friendship is based on. I should have been around. You don't need to be the one apologizing to me. Okay?"

She nodded at me with wide eyes.

"Good. Now, I'm not going to be upset anymore because of the whole Jeff thing. Even if I can't be truly happy without Sam, I can at least try not to be miserable. Teenage years are supposed to be spent having fun, right? I'm not going to waste my life, and I'm not going to let anything I do effect you. Or Sam..." I broke off remembering Jeff's words to her:

_"Sam... I- I think I love you." _

I clenched my fists.

"Uh, anyway, I'll try my hardest to contain my feelings and remain friends with Sam."

She didn't look too happy about that.

"I don't know... maybe there is something we can do. Maybe... I know I told you that you didn't have a chance and all, but... have you ever actually considered telling her that you feel this way? I know she'd understand-"

"Are you kidding? She'd rip me to shreds! And think about it seriously for a minute. After I tell her, what is she supposed to do? Break up with Jeff just because I'm a selfish, jealous dude who's supposed to be her best friend? You have to promise that you won't say a word to her!" I flared.

"But maybe you could work something out-"

"No, Carly. Promise. Please." I pleaded.

She looked down at her small, white hands.

"I- I promise."

I nodded my appreciation. Then, my jaw clenched tightly, I jumped up and headed to the door. Carly watched me, confused.

"Where are you going? Aren't we gonna rehearse still?" She asked, I hinted a bit of worry in her voice.

"Yeah, I'm just getting some air."

I left, letting the door swing shut behind me.

I remembered Sam and Jeff. Were they still in the living room? I peeked around the corner, down the stairs.

No.

They were both nowhere in sight. Relieved, I started down the stairs, straight out the door. I had no idea where I was going, in fact, it was the last thing on my mind. My thoughts were on Sam. I loved her. I had told Carly that I love her. I want to be happy. Sam wants to be happy. I want Sam to be happy.

But I can't be happy if I don't have Sam, and Sam can't be happy unless she has Jeff. It was heart breaking, but no matter how difficult this would be for me, I cared about Sam's happiness more than my own. And anyway, this Jeff guy is probably just a jerk. Just like all her other boyfriends, we'll catch him cheating on her with someone else. Then it will be bye-bye Jeff.

I know it was a mean thought, but hey, all is fair in love and war.

But I had a strong feeling inside that Jeff wasn't just some other jerk. I wanted to believe that. But I didn't.

I looked up suddenly at my surroundings.

I froze.

The fire escape. Where Sam and I shared our first kiss. My feet had carried me here of all places. But I suppose it was the perfect place for me to be. I come out here a lot when I need to think. I dragged myself over to my lawn chair and was about to sit down. But someone else was already sitting there.

Sam.

My heart skipped a beat. My cheeks warmed. I wasn't expecting to see her here, looking so beautiful, so desirable, so sad... were those tears running down her cheeks?

Without thinking, I reached out and wiped them away with the back of my hand. I put my face up close to hers. I didn't have to ask her what was wrong, she knew that I wanted answers. It was just one of those connections that we had together.

"Jeff told me he loved me." She almost whispered.

Hearing her say it confirmed that it was true. I hadn't heard incorrectly. I was going to have to face it someday. I sighed.

"Okay... that doesn't really explain why you're crying."

She looked pretty annoyed for a second, which reminded me not to piss of a highly emotional Puckett. Luckily for me, her expression changed back as quickly as it came.

"Because. I- I just... he said he_ loved_ me."

"Yeah, no kidding."

"Don't joke around. I'm kind of scared. What happens after this? Do we get more serious than just a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship? I'm only seventeen, I don't want to move on anymore than that."

"Did Jeff ever actually say that he wants to get more serious?" I questioned, eager to find out more about what Jeff said to her.

She thought about that for a moment.

"Well...no. But I can just tell that he does. Not, real, _real _serious. But, I don't know. I just like us the way we are now. You get me?"

"Yeah, I see. So what happened after he told you he loved you? How did you respond?" I tried not to look obvious, it came out more concerned.

"Well, I told him I was touched and all, but he seemed restless. He wanted to know how I felt too. I kinda told him I wasn't that sure. I told him I liked him, but it was too soon to tell if it was love yet."

Well, at least she didn't love him back!

"And how did he take it?"

"He understood. He seemed happy."

"But you're not." I held out my arms and she gratefully gave in to the hug.

"No, I'm not. I just... I'm confused. What do I do?"

It was strange to me, seeing her in my arms crying. She was so vulnerable looking. It was scary to see Sam this way. I thought about my situation here. What should she do? She wasn't ready for anything too serious, she was scared, and she liked the guy. I know what you're thinking. I have the chance to break them up. I could convince Sam that Jeff is just a pervert, only interested in her body. But I know it's not like that. She's happy with Jeff. I wasn't going to mess this up for her. I took a deep, silent breath and smiled reassuringly at my upset friend.

"Jeff doesn't want to hurt you Sam. He just loves you, and he just wanted you to know. He wouldn't force you into anything, I know it. Just tell him that you need some time. Everything will turn out fine. I promise you."

She looked shocked. "You promise?"

"Yes. Now, wipe your face. A pretty girl like you shouldn't be so sad. Don't cry, you'll be alright." She honestly did look pretty even though she was crying. She looked beautiful in those girlie clothes she was wearing for her date. The date she was on with Jeff. Not me...

She smiled at me through her tears. "Thanks. You're alright, dork."

I helped her stand and we left the fire escape together.

"So why did you come here anyway?" I asked curiously.

"Oh, sometimes I just come to think, you know?"

I nodded. "Yeah, me too. Hey, Carly's probably worried about us."

"Yeah... let's hurry."

It was painful, getting her hopeful about Jeff again. I'll probably regret fixing them up later, but oh well. As my mom says, I'm just a naturally nice guy. I wonder if I'll ever be more than friends with Sam. I wanted more than anything to kiss her again, not just to get it over with this time. Just like how Jeff could kiss her whenever he desired. I knew it was wrong, but I honestly hated Jeff, I was the jerk here. Sam didn't belong to me, but yet I hate her boyfriend. I was a bad friend, But if I told you that I felt otherwise, I would be lying.

So where do I go from here?

Nowhere. I have no right to be angry at Jeff. Sam loves him. So I'm not going to be bitter at him, or Carly, or Sam. I was going to have to just live with it, for now.

* * *

**A/N: So, where does Freddie go from there? Find out soon! Reviews are very welcome :)  
**


	8. One Sided Love

_One Sided Love_

**A/N: It's summertime! More time for writing, so expect more chapters the next few weeks :)**

_Disclaimer: I owneth not iCarly._

_Sam's POV_

_Jeff smiled at me from behind my veil. That awesome, heart wrenching smile. He looked pale, anxious. But perfect all the same. His dark hair curled just at the collar of his black tuxedo. His bright blue eyes sparkled with happiness. He was biting his bottom lip in the way that meant that he was nervous._

_He gave me a look of such pure love that I felt my face go warm. He raised his hands slowly and threw the veil back from my face. He leaned in close and whispered, "So I can see your beautiful eyes." His words sent a shock through my body. He lifted my chin and brought his lips close to mine so that I could feel his breath on my face. _

_When I didn't reply, he looked sympathetic. _

_"Nervous?" _

_I had no idea what he was talking about. Nervous... about what? But I was nervous. I didn't know why, but felt that I should be. So I was. I was still speechless, so I just nodded. He gave me an encouraging smile and reached out to squeeze my hand. _

_"Me too. But don't be. Just think, after this, we'll be together forever."_

_I was clueless. Together forever? I let go of his hand and looked around me. I was in a church full of people sitting in the pews below. And I was standing before them in front of the podium, where some old guy, dressed like a priest stood, smiling at Jeff and I in a way that he probably thought was encouraging and not freaky. _

_"Let's begin." He said quietly. _

_I looked at Jeff for a explanation. But he just smiled and patted my hand. _

_"We are gathered here today to celebrate the love of Samantha Jennette Puckett and Jeffery Mason Golden."The priest dude said loudly, so that his voice echoed against the high ceiling._

_I froze. Whoa, wait... celebrate our- we're not getting... oh my God!  
_

_"On this glorious morning," he continued, " They will become man and wife. Are there any objections?_

_I wanted to object, but I couldn't say a word. I tried to speak but I just couldn't._

_When nobody else spoke either, he looked around the church with a pleased smile. "Good, good! Now Jeffery, do you love Samantha?"_

_Without hesitation he took my hands and smiled blissfully. _

_"I do." _

_"And Samantha, do you love Jeffery?"_

_Everyone was looking at me expectantly. Could I even talk if I wanted to? I looked around the building to see some familiar faces. Carly sat on the front pew in between Spencer and Freddie. She clapped her hands together and nodded. Spencer was busy snapping pics with his camera. Freddie gave me the thumbs up sign with a knowing smile that said, 'I told you so! You gave Jeff a chance and it worked out!' Even mom and Melanie were there staring at me in anticipation. I gulped . When over a minute passed, the priest cleared his throat. _

_"Miss Puckett! Do you love this young man here?" He repeated, gesturing towards Jeff. _

_I looked at him, silently pleading with him to understand that I didn't want this. I guess he took it for nerves because he just squeezed my hand again. _

_"Go on and answer the nice man, darling." He whispered._

_I finally found my voice and whispered back, "But I'm not ready to get married, I'm only seventeen! At least I think I am... I am aren't I?"_

_Jeff gave me a very strange look. "Are you feeling alright? I knew this was going to be nerve wracking, but it seems to be a little too much. I can't image why you're questioning our love." He said, hurt.  
_

_"I-I don't doubt your love for me-"_

_"Our love for each other." He corrected me. _

_"Um... right." I said uncertainly. "I just don't think we're ready to be married."_

_His radiance faded into disappointment. "But Sam... sweetheart, we've been dating for eight years. You were perfectly happy when I proposed to you. What happened? Why don't you love me anymore?"_

_I haven't been dating Jeff for eight years! It's only been five months! And I can't be getting married to him! I don't even know if I do love him._

_The whole church watched me disapprovingly, some of the people had started to mutter amongst themselves, wondering what was going on. The priest was tapping his foot impatiently. Jeff watched me, looking as I had destroyed all of his hopes and dreams. His blue eyes glistened with tears. It was his wedding day. Our wedding day, and I had caused him pain and humiliation. _

Suddenly the crowd around me broke out into angry shouts.

"Just say that you love that boy!" My mom yelled. "What's the matter with you?"

_I clamped both hands over my ears, about ready to explode. __I didn't want this. _

_I could still hear the boo's and shouts coming from the crowd around me. But seeing Jeff looking so vulnerable on his wedding day... My heart shattered when his first tear dropped to the ground and splattered on the waxed marble floors. I felt disgusting.  
_

_I wiped a escaped tear from his eye and took both of his hands, trying to soothe his sorrow away. _

_"I'm sorry, Jeff. I don't know what came over me... I'm ready to get married now!"_

_His happiness returned suddenly. He had gone from gloomy to a ray of sunshine in flash!  
_

_"Don't worry love, I'll make you the best husband! Dont' be afraid. With me, you'll never want or need anything. I'll make your life perfect. You'll never have any troubles. **I love you.**"_

And those were the words that brought me back to reality, in a cold sweat. Those words, and my own voice. I slammed my both hands over my mouth when I realized that I had been screaming. I sat up and my forehead collided with something hard.

_**"**_Ow!"

"Oh my God! Sorry Carls! Is your forehead okay?"

"Never mind that. Why did you scream?"

"I... bad dream." I said, swiping a lock of wet hair away from my face.

Carly switched on a night light. She sat beside me, holding one hand against her forehead.

"Do you wanna talk about it?"

"Not particularly..."

"Sam!"

"Alright! Well... there was this wedding..."

"Oh my God, was your mom getting married to another garbage man? "

"Wha-? No!"

She gasped. "Oh no, a plumber this time?"

"No, Carly! _I _was getting married. To Jeff."

"Aw. What's so scary about that?"

"You don't understand. You had to have been there... okay so, you know how I told you that Jeff told me that he loved me last night?"

"Gosh, Sam, your still thinking about that? I think it's cute that he loves you. Why are you taking it so seriously?"

I got a little annoyed there.

"Look, I'm not used to this, okay? I haven't had a million boyfriends before and have half tell me that they loved me. I'm not _you_."

She looked hurt. "I'm sorry Sam, I didn't mean it that way... it's just that you and Jeff are only kids. Maybe he thinks he's in love with you. I mean, how many guys have you thought you were in love with before?"

That got to me. She was right, maybe he only thought he loved me.

"You might be right. But you didn't see him last night when he told me. I was so sure he meant it-"

"And maybe he did," she interrupted. "But even so, why are you freaking out? I thought you liked Jeff."

"I _do!_" I cried, frustrated. "But I'm not sure if I _love_ him... Don't you understand?"

She stared at me blankly. "No."

"Maybe I should tell Freddie about this, you're acting like I'm speaking Martian here."

"Sorry, okay? I'm not as good as understanding your strange feelings as Freddie is, but I'm a good listener. Go on and tell me about your dream."

I sighed, preparing to repeat what I saw. "Well, I was in this huge church filled with hundreds of people, some of them I knew. And... you were there. And Spencer and Freddie, and Melanie... It was a weird wedding. The priest was being all strange and instead of asking us if we wanted to take the other as our spouse, he asked if we loved each other-"

"Oh I see!" Carly said nodding as if that made perfect sense. "You were worried about if you loved Jeff or not, so the question comes up in your dream. Things like that happen to me all the time, it's normal."

"The dream may have been 'normal', but it was all the pressure I was under that scared me. And Jeff told me he would be the perfect husband... then he said it again."

"Said what again?"

"That he loved me! Gee, keep up here, Shay."

"Sorry, sorry! Then what?"

"Then, I woke up screaming."

"Aw, Sam! It's alright now. You're not getting married, it was just a nightmare. And I'm sure you're looking into this love thing too deeply. You're in a safe place. Go back to bed and we'll talk so more tomor-"

"AHHHHHHH!" A voice in the hall screamed and then the door flew open.

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Carly and I hugged each other and screamed our heads off.

The light switched on and in the doorway stood Spencer, holding a baseball bat above his head, wearing a motorcycle helmet.

"Spencer!" Carly scolded. "Are you insane? You scared us to death!"

He pulled the helmet off and threw it across the room. He looked from me to Carly and back to me again. His eyes lingered a bit longer on my chest. I looked down at myself in embarrassment. Covering up my low cut pajama top with the bed sheet.

"B-but, I thought I heard Sam scream..."

"She had a nightmare!"

"I had a nightmare!" I added, just for emphasis.

"Sorry! I just thought you guys were in trouble..."

"It's okay," Carly said calmly. "Let's just all go back to bed. We don't have much longer until we have to go to school."

Just then the doorbell rang. We looked at each other, all wondering the same thing. Who could be at our door (Yes, _our_ door!) at two in the morning? We all dashed out into the living room to see. Spencer got the door and we were shocked to see two policemen standing in the hall.

"Is this the Shay residence?"

"Y-Yes sir." Spencer said.

"Is there a problem? We got a report from a neighbor. She says she heard multiple screams."

Carly and I looked at each other. We both knew who he was talking about. Mrs. Benson.

Spencer shook his head.

"That was just my little sister's friend. She had a nightmare." He explained, gesturing to Carly and I who waved awkwardly. The cops stared me about five seconds longer.

Next time, I'm going to sleep in a big Eskimo jacket.

"Alright. So there is no trouble?"

"No, sir." Spencer answered.

"Okay then. You kids get back to sleep and have a safe night."

"You too, officers."

The second cop glared at Spencer. "Don't tell us what to do."

"I am very sorry."

Once the police had left Carly and I went straight back to bed.

She went instantly to sleep. I stayed up only moments longer, wishing myself sweet nightmare-less dreams. Along with no more screaming, cops, or wedding ceremonies.

* * *

The next day at school I was dreading to see Jeff. But I had to talk to him.

It was lunch period and I, for once in my life, didn't feel like eating. I wandered through the halls, just thinking about my current situation. Nobody ever loved me. I don't know, nor will I ever know what it's like to be in love with a guy. Really truly in love. This whole thing was making me feel... weird. I didn't like it one bit. So I need to end it. Before I go crazy.

I whipped my cell out of my jeans pocket and started texting before I could change my mind.

**Sam: Hey can we talk for a minute?**

It took a minute for him to text back.

**Jeff: Sure, where?**

**Sam: school library. Section 3B**

**Jeff: k c u there**

I made my way into the library, section 3B and sat down at one of the tables. I wanted to get this over with. I liked being with Jeff because he was fun and a awesome friend. He was sweet and he was everything I wanted in a guy.

But I don't love him. And when I tell him that, I can only hope that he won't hate me.

"Hey."

I turned to see him, looking pale and anxious.

"Hey. You don't have to look like that. I'm not gonna break up with you."

He looked relieved. "Oh God, thanks."

He sat down across from me looking concerned.

"So then... what is this about?" He ran his fingers through his hair absentmindedly.

A very cute habit that he had. I couldn't help but to reach out and finger his dark locks.

"It's about me... I don't- I don't think that I- I'm not sure if I love you. It has nothing to do with you. You're... you're perfect. It's just to soon to tell for me." His face showed no emotion. He just stared at me blankly.

"Last night, I had a dream that... that we were getting married."

His expression hardly changed. He actually seemed slightly annoyed.

"Married? Gosh, Sam. I only told you that I loved you. It's not like I proposed or anything."

"I know, I know. I guess I was over reacting. I couldn't help but think about it, and the dream made me realize why I don't love you. I'm not ready to get serious."

He looked surprised now.

"Serious? I'm not ready to get serious either. I just wanted you to know how I felt and nothing more. So relax, okay? If you don't love me yet then it's fine, but don't think that I'm that kind of guy. So yes, I love you, but I would never pressure you into doing anything. And trust me, I'm no more ready for marriage than you are. Really, Sam, I'm not even done with high school yet."

I felt so dumb right then. Why did I even think that Jeff was that kind of guy? I was worried for no reason all along.

"I-I'm sorry about all of this. I was just- I don't know what I was thinking." I said quietly.

"But you aren't mad?" He asked.

I was confused. "Mad? Why would I be mad?"

"I mean, you're not weirded out by this- me loving you- are you? We can still date?"

I could hardly believe my ears.

"You still love me?"

"Of course."

"And you aren't angry that I don't feel the same? You want us to still be boyfriend and girlfriend?"

"Well, yeah, I mean, we still have fun together, right? I love being around you."

Wow. Maybe I was in love with Jeff. How could anyone be so understanding?

"Awesome! You're the best!" I cried giving him a hug.

"Yeah I know. So we're good?"

"Definitely." I said."You're really awesome, I think in time, I really could love you."

"Yay, I'm loveable."

I kissed his lips briefly. "But I do need to get to science class, lunch period has been over. I'll probably be about twenty minutes late."

He frowned. "Twenty minutes? Then what's the point of even going?"

"I know, right?"

He rolled his eyes.

"Well I should go too." He said, standing. "Love you."

I stiffened. I longed to say it back to him, but I couldn't lie to myself. I didn't love him. Not yet.

"Yeah, bye."

I left the library as quick as possible.

I couldn't lose him, he was perfect, and I needed perfection. Why not have something stable in my life for once? I have a boyfriend who_ loves_ me like I've never been loved before.

One sided love isn't a good thing especially when it involves two people who are in a relationship. Jeff didn't deserve to have a girlfriend who didn't love him.

He was just too right for me. Even if I had to make myself love him, I'm never gonna let him go.

**A/M: Now let's see where this leads... :)  
**


	9. Innocence

_Innocence_

**A/N: Chapter nine! :)  
**

_Disclaimer: I do not own iCarly, or Sweeney Todd, or any of the music on Freddie's Pear Pod; but I do own Carmen Del Figelo, the cutest seven year old in the universe.  
_

_Freddie's POV_

"Freddie, I want to play barbies! You can be Teresa_, _and Summer. I'll be Nikki, and-"

"Come on, Carmen. we've played barbies everyday this week. Why don't we do something else? Like watch T.V. or make some cookies?"

Carmen's eyes flashed dangerously.

"I. Want. To. Play. _Barbies!_"

Sigh.

"Alright, alright! We'll play barbies... at least let me be a guy this time." I said sitting down beside her on the living room floor.

She shook her head, making her dark curls bounce.

"There are no boys in an all girls dance class." She said, dropping a pile of dolls onto my lap. Now Bopsy will play Madame Zeelta, the dance instructor. Dana can be her assistant. In this one, Midge will play Lila, Barbie's best friend. Cara is playing herself. Whitney will play Jo-"

"Please..." I complained. " You know that I can never remember all this stuff. Yesterday you made them have all different names."

"That's because they were playing all different people." She said it as if it were the most logical thing in the world.

"Why can't they just keep the same names as before? "

"Stop being a girl."

"What, so now I'm a girl? You're the one who is making me play barbies!"

"Because I'm bored! All you want to do is play with your stupid nerdy camera!"

"All you want to do is play with your stupid babyish dolls!"

"You're the baby! All you do is whine."

"I'm only whining because I'm tired of playing with your dumb dolls every day. Just give me a break. Play by yourself for awhile."

She glared at me. "Fine! I don't need you anyways."

She grabbed her basket piled high with various dolls and ran up the stairs, dropping some every step of the way.

I just loooove babysitting.

Carmen Del Figelo is my seven year old cousin. As you can see, she is very bossy and demanding. My mom has to work late every night this week, which would normally be a good thing for me. But my Aunt Jennifer just happened to be coming to town this week to visit a sick friend. Since nobody was available to watch her daughter, Carmen; I, of course, got stuck with the job.

So it's been almost a full week of nonstop playing barbies. That girl has the most extraordinary imagination! I still can't believe how someone could come up with so many ideas just from a few barbies (actually 'few' is not the word for how many barbies she has. She's got around forty, maybe more). I've now seen barbie as a doctor, mermaid, detective, deep sea diver, tiger trainer, jewel thief, wizard, mad scientist, fortuneteller, I've even seen her version of America's Next Top Model all acted out with barbies.

I think I left out about a million other things she came up with this week. Don't get me wrong, no matter how annoying Carmen can be, I love her. She can be so sweet and innocent sometimes. She really isn't all bad, I just need some space. I've been wanting to work on increasing the memory of my camera, and I think I finally got it figured out, but I haven't got a chance to see how it works with Carmen never giving me a chance to breathe.

Well she's leaving me alone for now, so I should go do what I can before she changes her mind and I'm back in Barbie Land.

I made my way up the stairs quickly. When I burst into my room, I felt refreshed. Finally I can be alone.

I flopped down on my bed, slowly sinking into my extra soft pillows and sheets (courtesy of my mom, who thinks that ordinary bedsheets will give me rashes). I closed my eyes and sighed deeply.

The bright side to babysitting Carmen was that I've had a week of total distraction. I've been too busy keeping her entertained to think about my own problems. One problem in particular was Sam. My heart pounds as I think about her, even now.

I try to forget, but every time I do, something reminds me of her. I open my eyes and sit up.

My bedroom even, decorated with Galaxy Wars posters and merchandise, along with various tech projects, my computer, and AV equipment. I laugh out loud, remembering how when Sam first saw my room, five years ago, she called me Freddork for the first time.

I just love it when she insults me (sometimes). I view it more as a joke now. Just her way of connecting with me. I don't mind, it makes me feel special to her.

But don't tell anybody I said that.

Man, what I would give to be able to tell her my feelings. But I guess that's life, and I'll just have to move on, no matter how hard it would be to find anyone else even remotely close to her personality. And she'd have to have long, gold curls like her. And eyes the lightest blue that glitter like the sun on the ocean.

My chances of that are one in a million.

I think of Sam the entire time I work on my camera, feeling my face go hot when I think of our softer moments, chuckling when I think of the funny ones, and rubbing my old scars and bruises when thinking of the more painful.

I know I've got it bad. While I'm over the shock of being in love with Sam, I still don't understand why I fell in love with her in the first place. She's special. She's so different from everyone on the planet. She has many flaws that others can see and criticize, but I only see perfection. I'd be grateful if only we could share one more magical kiss...

That's pretty much how I spent the next twenty minutes, dreaming about Sam's lips as I adjusted my camera. I was so into my project that I jumped when the doorbell rang suddenly, followed by a series of hard pounding.

I looked at my watch as I started down the stairs.

Mom wouldn't be back for hours and neither would Aunt Jennifer. So who could it be?

I opened the door without looking out the peep hole first (my mom would have had a heart attack) and I swear my heart stopped for a few seconds.

Sam stood in the hallway staring at the floor. She looked up at me when she heard the door open. I tried very hard not to stare at her beauty. Not that she looked extra special today. She didn't really have on any make up, and she was actually just wearing shorts and a Tee shirt with her messy hair scattered about her face. She was naturally beautiful without having to be dolled up. I love that.

I put one hand on my stomach to keep the butterflies in check.

"Fredderick."

"Sam... why didn't you just pick the lock?" I tried to keep my voice steady.

"I lost my pin. I need to talk to you. Do you have a minute?"

I blinked a few times, surprised.

"Um... okay, sure." I stepped aside uncertainly to let her in. I bought her a coke and we sat down together in the living room.

"Alright, so what is this about?" I asked, fearing that the answer would have something to do with Jeff. Her precious Jeff. God, what a idiot I was to help her out with him. I regret it, like I thought I would. But I know deep down that it was better off like that. At least I don't have to deal with any guilt.

She studied my face for a minute, which of course caused me to blush, so I looked away.

"What?"

"Carly told me that you've been having problems... and I just wanted to know what was up. She said you wouldn't talk to her about it. So... talk to me."

That's just like Carly to go blabbing. Great, now I have some explaining to do.

"It was nothing. I don't really want to talk about it. "

"She said you were really upset. Come on, you know I wouldn't tell anybody." She looked so sincere.

I opened my mouth to tell her the truth, then shut it tight.

What was I thinking?

If I tell her it would just ruin everything. We would have a awkward friendship and Carly would suffer for it, Sam would be stuck to choose between me and Jeff, and she would be miserable.

"It really was nothing, Sam. It's personal. Maybe I'll tell you someday, but it's just too soon."

She glared at me hard. She looked ready to punch my lights out.

I put my hand on her shoulder, feeling sparks travel up my spine, which I ignored.

Her anger slowly melted away and she looked kind of hurt.

"Why can't you just tell me?"

"Sam, please? There are some things that you tell your best friend and some things that you don't."

"That's not true. Best friends tell each other everything." Her beautiful eyes glittered with tears.

My heart shattered. Sam was strikingly beautiful when near tears and on rare occasion when I witnessed this, I was simply left speechless.

I wanted to comfort her, but I just didn't. I stayed frozen to the spot.

"Sam... I'm sorry. I just can't tell you. You have to understand." I said gently, but firmly.

She wiped away any escaped tears.

"Fine. I know I'm being silly... Carly told me to talk to you about it, and I was going to. I just got caught up in my own problems. She said you were the most upset she's ever seen you. I just wanted to make sure you were okay."

"I am okay." I lied."Don't worry about me. How's it going with you and Jeff?" I said to change the subject, but also because I was curious.

She smiled a little bit.

"Oh! Jeff told me he didn't want to get serious."

I felt a pang of hurt and jealousy that I also ignored. Move on, Freddie. Sam will never ever love you.

"He just wanted me to know how he felt. So we're okay again. God, Freddie, if it weren't for you, I-" She paused.

"Yeah?" I teased, knowing what she was struggling to say.

"Um..." She blushed and punched me in the shoulder (Ow!).

"Thanks, okay?"

I grinned. "Sure thing, Puckett."

She stood up to go, and looked around, puzzled. "You're here alone? I thought your mom got home from work at five."

"Usually. She's working late this week. And no, I'm not here alone-"

"FREEDDDIE!" Came a loud scream from upstairs. Carmen flew down the stairs and came up to me, arms folded and scowling.

Sam watched us, eyebrows lifted.

"I'm bored still! I've tried doing _everything_! Barbie and her friends have run out of ideas of what to be! Come play with me and maybe I'll think of something. Oooh! I know! You can play with Barbie and make her be a kidnapped princess! I want to play the kidnappers! Jolee, Terra, and Sue. Okay? Come on!" She pouted, tugging on my arm.

"I'm guessing you're not alone." Sam said, stunned. "Who's this?"

"This is my cousin, Carmen." Trying not to sound too irritated. "I've been stuck- I mean- I've been babysitting her all week."

Carmen studied Sam up and down and smiled sweetly at her.

"Wow, you're so pretty!"

Sam smiled at her, but didn't have a chance to say anything before Carmen started running her mouth again.

"How did a dork like you get a girlfriend like that?" She said, poking me.

I flushed. "Wha- Sam's not my girlfriend! We're just friends."

She smiled teasingly. "Oh, I should have known. No girl would ever want to date you."

Sam, who had been trying to hold it together, suddenly burst out laughing.

"Oh man, your cousin is awesome! Are you sure you guys are related?"

"That's what I'm saying!" Carmen agreed. "I think Freddie should get his DNA tested!"

They both howled with laughter. I rolled my eyes. Of course Sam and Carmen would make friends easily. They both constantly made fun of me. I should have seen this coming.

"Anyway, Carmen. I can't play with you, I really am busy. And Sam has to go too, right Sam?"

"Nooo!" Carmen yelled, throwing her arms around Sam's middle. "Please stay! Will you play barbie's with me?"

Sam? Play barbies? Yeah right!

I was totally and utterly surprised by her reaction.

"Sure, kid!" She said. "You know, I have an idea for what you can play."

Carmen's eyes widened and she gasped.

"Oooh! What, what!"

"You could play _Sweeney Todd, the Demon Barber of Fleet Street._

She looked puzzled.

"What's that?" She asked.

"Yeah, what's that?" I demanded. Knowing Sam, it couldn't be good.

"Okay, it all starts with this guy named Benjamin Barker, and his wife, Lucy Barker, and his daughter, Joanna Barker, who is just a little baby. You have Ken dolls?"

"Yep."

"Kay. So then the Judge dude is such a perv, that when he sees Lucy, he arrests Benjamin and steals his wife away."

"Sam!" I interrupted. "You can't play this with Carmen. "

"Shut up, dork!" Carmen said, shoving me. "Go on."

"Alright, so like, sixteen years later or something, he comes back with a new identity. He calls himself Sweeney Todd and makes a new home in London with his partner in crime, Mrs. Lovett, who owns a pie shop. They become friends and she finds out that he is Benjamin Barker. They come up with a plan for revenge against the judge and Sweeney opens up a barber shop connected with Mrs. Lovett's pie shop. And when people come in for a shave, he kills them with his razor-"

"Awesome!" Carmen screeched.

"Not awesome!" I argued.

Carmen elbowed me in the ribs and I shut up.

"And he sends them down a chute to a cellar in Mrs. Lovett's shop and she bakes them into pies-"

"Sick!" Carmen said. And she and Sam high fived.

"I haven't even told you the best part though," she continued. "The pies become famous and everybody loves them!"

They both fall over, laughing hysterically.

"Sam! You wouldn't- " I began.

"Oh! Oh! Do you guys have ketchup?"

I was confused."Yeah, why?"

"We could make the ketchup be blood! "

Oh my God. Remind me again why I'm desperately in love with this girl?

They raced into the kitchen for the ketchup, and I hopelessly called them back.

Oh man... I hope my mom doesn't find out about this!

Well... at least they're having fun together, right?

"Um... guys I'll be in my room if you need me!" I shouted to them, but somehow I don't think that they heard me. I rolled my eyes and went up to my room.

I collapsed onto my bed and sighed, still able to feel that warm tugging feeling in my stomach even after I think of how sick Sam's mind is. In fact, I'm sure now more than ever that I'm in love with her. She's always been so fun and exciting. And when she gets our of hand (exhibit A, like down there in the living room) I'm there to calm her down. And she's always been there to loosen me up. She's even made my mom more relaxed. Up until last year my mom would make me have a babysitter whenever she was away. And I am here today, babysitting Carmen myself, because Sam told her how insane she was being.

Actually, mom has grown quite fond of Sam. She thinks she's good for me in some ways.

I smiled as I thought about Sam in her perfection. My heart throbbed evenly against my chest as I imagined burying my nose in her blond curls.

Why does it have to be like this? I need to take my mind off of her before I go crazy!

I snatched up my Pear Pod from off the desk and put the head phones in my ears.

Music. That's what I needed. Music's good for the soul isn't it?

I put it on shuffle so I wouldn't have to choose what to listen to.

Big mistake.

_Picture perfect memories, scattered all around the floor_  
_Reaching for the phone 'cause I can't fight it anymore_  
_And I wonder if I ever cross your mind_  
_For me it happens all the time_

_It's a quarter after one, I'm all alone and I need you now_  
_Said I wouldn't call but I've lost all control and I need you now_  
_And I don't know how I can do without_  
_I just need you now_

_Another shot of whiskey, can't stop looking at the door_  
_Wishing you'd come sweeping in the way you did before_  
_And I wonder if I ever cross your mind_  
_For me it happens all the time_

_It's a quarter after one, I'm a little drunk and I need you now_  
_Said I wouldn't call but I've lost all control and I need you now_  
_And I don't know how I can do without_  
_I just need you-_

Not exactly what I had in mind. I need to get my mind off of Sam. I need to forget, not remember the way she came 'sweeping in before' and how much I need her. I skipped to the next song._  
_

_So I got my boots on, got the right 'mount of leather_  
_And I'm doing me up with a black color liner_  
_And I'm workin' my strut but I know it don't matter_  
_All we need in this world is some love_  
_There's a thin line 'tween the dark side and the light side baby tonight_  
_It's a struggle gotta rumble trying to find it_

_But if I had you, that would be the only thing that I'd ever need_  
_Yeah if I had you, then money fame and fortune never could compete_  
_If I had you, life would be a party it'd be ecstasy_  
_If I had you_  
_You you you you you_  
_If I had you-_

Okay... I'll try again. I skipped this one too.

_Do you hear me? I'm talking to you_  
_Across the water across the deep blue ocean_  
_Under the open sky, oh my, baby I'm trying_

_Boy I hear you in my dreams_  
_I feel your whisper across the sea_  
_I keep you with me in my heart_  
_You make it easier when life gets hard_

_I'm lucky I'm in love with my best friend_  
_Lucky to have been where I have been_  
_Lucky to be coming home again_  
_Ooh ooh ooh_

_They don't know how long it takes_  
_Waiting for a love like this_  
_Every time we say goodbye_  
_I wish we had one more kiss_  
_I'll wait for you I promise you, I will_

_I'm lucky I'm in love with my best friend-_

Arrrrgh! God, does my Pear Pod hate me today? I am most definitely not lucky to be in love with my best friend. I don't want to think about about having one more kiss. I snatched up my Pear Pod and gave it one last chance, skipping to the next song.

_Did I tell you I knew your name_  
_But it seems that I've lost it_  
_Did I tell you it's my own game_  
_This is not your problem_

_I don't know if I'm gonna change_  
_Wasting time and another day_

_I keep running away_  
_Even from the good things_  
_I keep running away_  
_Even from the good things_

_Did I tell you it's not that bad_  
_Sitting over here dreaming-_

Okay! That's the last straw! I hate this thing!

I threw the stupid device across the room and it collided with something. But I didn't care to see what (Obviously I wasn't thinking straight. If I was, I would not have thrown a five hundred dollar Pear Pod). I'm sick of having these feelings! My head feels like it might explode! All that I think about is Sam this and Sam that and she doesn't even notice me! She has the perfect boyfriend and I'm just a her friend! There's no hope for me.

I gingerly lay my head on my pillow and tried to get comfortable. I need sleep, that's it. All this stress and taking care of Carmen and stuff, it's made me a little bit loopy. I'm done thinking about Sam. I need to forget her! She's only my friend and that's all she'll ever be!

I fell straight to sleep not long after. Want to guess who I dreamed about?

* * *

I was awakened hours later by the sound of water running in the kitchen. I blinked a few times. I had left the window cracked a little so the sinking sun shined in my eyes. I smiled groggily, trying to remember the details of my dream. I reached over to the window and shut it. It was getting pretty late.

I sat up quickly and looked at my watch. Mom would be home any minute, and she probably wouldn't be happy to see me sleeping while Sam baby sat my cousin. I started down the stairs, picking up barbie after barbie on almost every step. I smiled just a little.

I guess I was in a good mood. I wouldn't scold Carmen about it later. I picked up all of the toys off the floor before I went to the kitchen and found Sam and Carmen, cleaning up ketchup from off the cabinets and the floor. There was ketchup everywhere!

"What the heck? Why did you make such a big mess?"

Carmen just shrugged. "It wasn't us, it was Sweeney."

I rolled my eyes. "Whatever. It's late Carmen. I guess I have to make you dinner-"

"No," She interrupted. "Sam already made me dinner. She can make the best ham!"

I looked at Sam, stunned.

"You cooked?"

"Yeah. Don't sound so surprised." She said, annoyed.

"Sorry, it's just... you cooked?"

She rolled her eyes. "Oh, shut up. I have to get going, though. I think we got up most of the ketchup. I'm due at Carly's in five."

"That's okay, go on ahead, I'll finish up. Go and get ready for bed, Carmen."

She didn't even argue. She must have been very sleepy, she only yawned and hugged both me and Sam, said goodnight, and slipped out of the kitchen.

"I love your cousin. She's nothing like you."

"Gee thanks."

She grinned and smacked me on the shoulder.

"Later,"

"See you."

Once she left, I picked up the rag she was using and wiped up the remaining ketchup, humming Lucky, by Jason Mraz.

I was just about finished making the place look neat when the front unlocked and mom came in. She greeted me with the usual million hugs and kisses.

"How was your evening sweetheart?" She asked, running her fingers affectionately through my hair.

"Pretty good. Carmen has had dinner and I just sent her to bed."

"Excellent, what did you cook?"

"Oh... um, actually, Sam was here, and she cooked for her."

Mom's eyebrows shot up. "Samantha was here? And she cooked?"

"Yes. Carmen loves her and she played with her for a while."

"Well good! I knew that some of my motherly traits would rub off on her." She said proudly. Whenever Sam does something good mom thinks it's all because of her.

She smiled sweetly at me, then she looked concerned.

"Freddie. Hun, can we talk?"

Oh no. What's this about? I tried to keep it casual though.

"Sure, mom. What's wrong?"

I sat down across from her at the dining room table.

"It's just that you have behaving strangely for a while..."

"How so?"

"Well, you've been so spacey, and distant... I'm worried. Is everything alright, sweetie? Do you need a therapist? I needed a therapist at your age, so I understand-"

"No, mom. I don't need a therapist. I'm just... having some problems. You know, normal teenage problems."

She looked nervous.

"Oh, it's time for 'the talk' now, is it? I knew that this time would come sooner or later. Alright, so when a boy likes a girl-"

"Oh my God! I don't need ' the talk'. It's not like that. I just.. don't know."

"Freddie, I am your mother. You can tell me anything. Are you stressed out with school? Is that it, honey?"

I couldn't take this anymore. I had to tell her the truth before she made me go see a doctor or something.

"It's not about school work. It's... I'm sort of... in love." I said, hesitantly. I prepared myself for the worst. First the excitement, then she'll want to know who it is, then the responsibility specch.

"Is that it?" She looked relieved. "Freddie! My boy is in love!" Suddenly she looked grave.

"Not with Carly Shay, I hope."

"No, it's not Carly."

"Oh good! Then who is it? Is she nice and does she wear deoderant?"

"Mom!"

"Sorry, honey. Tell me who it is."

"Just- this girl at school."

"What's her name?"

"Um... Jen-ni-fer?"

"Jennifer?"

"Yep. Jennifer, that's right."

"Oh." She said suspiciously.

"Yeah. Well, I guess that's it. Goodnight mom, see you tomorrow."

"Wait. So when will I get to meet Jennifer?"

"Um, well, you can meet her anytime you like. But, she doesn't really know that I like her, so..."

"Oh dear! Why don't you tell her."

I shook my head, embarrassed.

"I don't think so."

She smiled a little. "All right then. Tell her when you're ready."

"I don't know when that is going to be... she has a boyfriend." I said absentmindedly.

She looked startled. "Oh you poor thing. Maybe you do need a therapist. Someone can help you through this and then you'll be less likely to become depressed as well!"

"I'm not depressed, mom! I just need to think about this. I've been in love with Sam for a while and I've been coping with it just fine without a ther-"

"Sam?"

I paused, confused. "What?'

"You said you were in love with Sam."

"What? No I didn't..." Did I? How else would she know that! Maybe I did say that. I was horrified. I racked my brains trying to think back to when I said that. I hadn't noticed.

"You said that you've been in love with her for a while. I can't believe this, honey why did you lie to me?" She said, hurt.

"I- I..." I couldn't think of one thing to say. I only apologized, then sank back into the chair, ashamed.

We both fell silent for a while. When, I guess she couldn't take it anymore, she spoke.

"Why Sam? Sure she's a okay girl on the inside, but... why not someone who will appreciate you and love you. She's always hurting you. And now more than ever! If she doesn't realize how special you are then maybe she doesn't deserve you."

"Mom, I can't help what I feel for Sam and I'm pretty sure I can't get over her. I know that Sam isn't your favorite person, but she's everything that I want. She's wild and exciting and I love every single thing about her. She makes me happy and I need her."

Mom's lips were pressed together so hard that they were a thin line.

"Well I suppose... if it's really that serious... then I don't mind. Sam's a unique girl Freddie and I agree that you need somebody different to spark up your life. One thing's for sure you'll never find someone like Sam again. So I want you to really cherish her. It's your responsibility as a man to love your woman and I want you to never take advantage of her, and never let her forget that you love her."

I grinned."Sam doesn't even know that I love her. I'll tell her sooner or later, but it just isn't time yet. Don't worry about me. You look tired. Why don't you go and rest? I'll make you something to eat and bring it up to you."

She ruffled my hair. "I'm so proud of you. I raised such a sweet, stong boy and I'm glad!" She kissed my forehead and started up the stairs.

I decided to go and check on Carmen in the guest room before I started cooking.

I found her fast asleep in her bed, the covers tossed about, hanging onto the floor. Knowing how cold this room could get at night, I covered her well, making sure she was warm and comfortable before I turned to go.

"Freddie..." She murmured drowsily.

"Shhh. Carmen go back to sleep. I didn't mean to wake you."

"Freddie are you going to marry Sam one day?"

I blushed.

"What are you talking about? "

"I wish Sam was my cousin, like you. So I was thinking that if you married her, she would be my cousin too."

I smiled in spite of myself.

"That would be nice, huh?"

"Yeah... and then you could have lots and lots of kids for me to play with."

I was pretty embarrassed at that point.

"Carmen... Sam and I are just friends."

"But I wish she was more than your friend. "

I sighed.

"Me too, Carmen. Me, too..."

"I love you, Freddie. And I hope one day we both get our wish."

I chuckled at her pure innocence. Gosh. If only life were that simple. All you have to do is make a wish and everything you ever wanted would be yours. So that even miracles like Sam and I ever being together could come true. My cousin was amazing. I decided not to comment on that. Let her have her innocent little hopes and dreams, let her learn about the real world one day. But for now, she was just a kid. I smiled, wishing suddenly that I could be Carmen's age again and believe that anything could happen.

"I love you too. Good night."

"Night." She replied. Within seconds she was sound asleep again. I watched her for a minute or two, watched her sleep silently. Peacefully.

**A/N: Anybody who hasn't seen the 2007 Tim Burton film, _Sweeney Todd: The Demon Barber of Fleet Street_, should! It's a little violet, but it's my favorite movie ever! Reviews are welcome! **


	10. Just Like A Pressure Cooker

_Just Like A Pressure Cooker  
_

**A/N: Whoa, 70 reviews! You guys are the best! :)  
**

_Disclaimer: I get really tired of saying this. I've said it a million times and I'm not saying it again! ...But at the risk of getting sued, I do not own iCarly :D_

_Freddie's POV_

"Fredd-ie." Spencer said in the irritating way that only he could.

I ignored him.

"Freddddddddie?" He poked me lightly, which I also ignored.

"Freddo. Answer me." He jabbed me in the shoulder. Hard.

I winced, but didn't cry out. I wanted him to know I was ignoring him.

"Come on, man. You know you have to talk about this!" He said.

I sighed.

"No I don't." I'm not good at ignoring people. I only last for about five minutes before I crack.

"But you can't keep a secret like this locked up inside forever!"

"Would you stop it! I came to you because I thought you would be able to help me. Give me some fatherly advice so that I could go away feeling sorry for myself. But no! You're acting just like Carly. I don't _want _to tell Sam. She has boyfriend. Did you forget?"

"No. I didn't forget and neither did Carly. Who cares if she has a boyfriend? Sam will at least know even if she doesn't accept-"

"And then what happen after that? I tell her how I feel, she gets freaked out and avoids me like the plague. Is that what you want? Nothing will change! Our friendship won't be the same. She'll still be dating Jeff. And I'll be tossed off to the side while everyone gives me sympathy, left to face rejection once again by one of my best friends in the world. You know it killed me to do that with my feelings for Carly." I said, knowing it would make him feel guilty.

He looked apologetic. "A little harsh there. But, I'm sorry Carly put you through all that...I tried to talk to her and convince her that you were a great guy, but..." He shrugged. "Sorry. I know rejection is tough..."

"Forget it. I'm over it."

"... Look, I know you most likely will go through it again if you tell Sam that you love her, but at least you'll get it off your chest! Carly and I don't like seeing you like this."

I turned away from him.

"Nothing you say can change my mind. "

"Freddie-"

"Sorry, but I can't go through the torture again. I'll see her every day and love her... hiding it for her sake and pretending my feelings don't exist to keep myself from going insane. But I just won't do it. It's enough now while she doesn't know. I won't accomplish a thing. Maybe depression, but that's about it."

"But you won't know unless you try!"

"I can't try!" I said, sounding a bit more emotional than I meant to. "I already know what will happen. I had to live with the fact that Carly would never love me for years. But this is different. This isn't some silly little-boy crush. Sam and I are best friends. We connect. She's like my other half. I refuse to loose her."

"If you don't tell her, you'll regret it for the rest of your life."

"I would rather regret telling her than to see her unhappy right now." I said calmly. "I'm not usually one to 'live in the moment', but Sam is the most important girl in my life and I would never do anything to confuse her. She thinks of me as a friend. Only a friend. I appreciate what you and Carly are trying to do for me, but I can deal. Just forget about me. I'll have to thrive by fantasizing about her..."

Spencer raised an eyebrow.

"Not- not that way. I meant-" I stammered, embarrassed.

He held up his hand.

"Okay, okay! I get it."

Just then the front door opened and in came Carly, Sam, and who else, but Jeff. All carrying groceries.

"Hey! We're back" Carly said, tossing her jacket onto the couch.

"No chizz!" Sam said, rolling her illustrious blue eyes. Her voice was muffled because she had a stick of beef jerky in her mouth.

She looked stunning. Nothing made my heart thump more than seeing Sam Puckett with a mouthful of food.

"I think they can see that we're back. "

"I was just trying to be cheerful."

"Well stop. It's making me sick."

"Sam, be nice." said the girlfriend stealer- I mean Jeff.

Spencer peeked onto into the grocery bags that they had set on the counter.

"It's all there Spencer." Carly assured him. "What do you need all that stuff for anyway?"

"I'm making a delicious pasta cuisine I read about on the internet. I'm going to make it Spencer style!"

Carly raised her eyebrows mockingly. "Ooooh, fancy!"

"Yeah. And guess who gets to help me and make sure that it's delicious at the same time?"

"Oooh! Oh, me!" Sam volunteered.

"Kay, kay! Then it's me and you, Sammy! Get on a apron and scoot your blond boot on over here!"

Carly glared at Jeff while he wasn't looking. She had grown considerably colder towards him since I told her I liked Sam. She always tried to be polite, but it just wasn't the same as before. And I think Jeff was starting to notice. He noticed that she was looking at him and threw Carly a friendly smile. She quickly caught herself and smiled a wide fake smile.

I nudged her.

"You wanna come upstairs with me and Freddie? We're just going to hook up a few things for the show tomorrow." She asked him.

I think he got the message that Carly didn't really want him to come upstairs with us, so he just shrugged.

"I um... I think I'm gonna go."

Sam looked up. "You're leaving? Why don't you stay and eat? Carly and Spencer wouldn't mind."

She looked up at Spencer expectantly, who was drinking a glass of lime juice. He took another sip and looked away. He had also decided not to try to warm up to Jeff. I didn't think it was right of them to do that to Sam, but it made me feel good that they were on my side. Sam rolled her eyes at Spencer and looked at Carly, who pretended not to see her.

Jeff just smiled and kissed her on the cheek.

I looked away, my blood boiling. Carly put a hand on my arm and I calmed down a bit.

Just a cheek kiss.

He looked at Carly and I, then back to Sam.

"I've got stuff to do at home. I'll see you later." He waved awkwardly at us before he left.

"What's with all you guy-" Sam started. Uh, oh. I think she sensed the coldness.

"We oughta head upstairs huh?" Carly said hurriedly. She gripped my shoulder and made me turn around, pushing me upstairs.

"Hey, hey! I can walk!" I said.

Why did girls always think it was okay to shove me around?

"Not fast enough!" She said, annoyed.

I hurried on up to the studio with her pushing me lightly from behind.

As soon as the door was shut she bombarded me with questions.

"Did you talk to Spencer?"

I avoided her eyes, nodding.

"Yeah..."

"And did you take his advice?" She said hopefully.

I looked up at her, irritated.

"I respected what he had to say, but my decision is no different. "

"Freddie!"

"I'm sorry, but I'm not ready to confess my feelings to Sam, alright?"

"She would understand!"

"No she wouldn't! Please stop bugging me about this. It's getting to be really annoying. I can handle this myself."

Carly gave me a sad look.

"So you're never ever going to tell Sam how you feel? Ever?"

"Maybe one day. Just not now. I'm sorry, but I can't do it."

She sighed grudgingly.

"I understand... I think."

I smiled half heartedly.

"Thanks. Now you wanna help me hook up these cable plugs?"

"Nah." She said, wrinkling her nose."That sounds boring. I'd rather stick pens in my eyes." She giggled as she ran off.

"Thank you for sparing my feelings!" I yelled after her.

When I had almost finished with the plugs, Sam texted me:

**'get yr butt down here! dinner time, nub.'**

**I rolled my eyes.**

**'y didn't you just come get me?'**

**'becuz i was too LAZY! duhhhh... and i wouldn't be able to do this: BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH!'**

**'yr insane.'**

**'not as insane as you'll be after i give u a head injury. come down here and taste mamma's food!'**

**'fine.'**

**'fine.'**

**'good.'**

**'good.'**

**'great.'**

**'great.'**

**'Awesome.'**

**'AWESOME.'**

**'your annoying, Sam.'**

**'you're annoying, fredweird.'**

**'You're supposed to capitalize someone's name when u write.'**

**'so? this is texting... and since when was fredweird your name?'**

**'Since you made it be. Anyway, it's still a basic rule. You have to follow it.'**

**'it's a free country. u don't have to have good grammar when u text.'**

**'It's a free country so I don't have to read your texts.'**

**'now u r the annoying one.'**

**'R u saying u were the annoying one before?'**

**'so what if i am?'**

**'...'**

**'Ha ha. Mamma wins again. now get ur butt downstairs, Benson.'**

**'W/e, Sam. I'm on my way.'**

**'You'd better be.'**

**'Nyeh.'**

**'NYEH!'**

I slammed my phone on my computer. God, that girl makes me so angry!

Why the heck do I love her?

I dragged myself downstairs and I was immediately blasted by the smell of Alfredo pasta.

"Oh, wow that smells amazing!" I exclaimed as I went into the kitchen. "What's in that?"

"Only our secret recipe." Spencer said with a secretive raise of an eyebrow.

"Yep. No nubs allowed." Sam said, smirking.

I rolled my eyes. And began to set the table.

"Hey we should get Carly." Spencer said.

"Oh, yeah you're right." Sam headed upstairs, pausing on the third step she yelled at the top of her lungs, "CARLY! COME EAT!"

Spencer and I stared at her.

"When I said one of us should get Carly, I meant actually to physically go _get _Carly."

"Oh... my bad." She said with a careless shrug before she actually went upstairs and disappeared into Carly's room.

"That girl is insane." I remarked.

"But you love her," Spencer teased.

"Would you please stop saying that?"

"But it's true." He grinned.

I groaned. "Can't you just forget it? I didn't even want you to know about it."

"Then why did you tell me?"

"I told you by accident!"

"Oh. Right."

"Now quit bugging me about-"

"AHHHHH! Sam, put me DOWN!" Carly cried as Sam carried her down the stairs.

Wait. Carried her?

Spencer and I stared at Sam as if she were crazy. She dropped Carly onto the rug.

"OW!" She cried, giving Sam an angry look.

"I said to go get Carly... and you carried her down here." Spencer said as if trying to confirm what she did.

"Yeah." She nodded. "You said for me to physically go get her, and I did." Sam looked proud of herself.

"Strange girl." Spencer muttered.

Just as we were sitting down to eat, there was a series of banging on the front door.

"Carly get the door." Sam said.

"Why do I have to? How come you can't?"

"Because I'm lazy?" She said as if it were the most obvious thing in the world.

Carly rolled her eyes at her best friend before proceeding to get the door.

"Oh hi, Mrs. Benson," Carly said, surprised."We weren't expecting you or else we would have set another place at the table."

Oh no! Not my mom. What did I do now?

Sam gave Carly a look. "No we wouldn't have."

"Sam!" Carly said in a shocked whisper.

"Don't worry. I'm not interested in eating anything you people prepared."

"Then why are you-" Spencer started.

"I'm here to measure Sam's waist." She said, pulling out some measuring tape.

I almost died. What the hell? Did she say what I thought she said?

Sam looked stunned. "Measure my..."

"Yes. Stand up straight please, I must do this correctly."

"What the- you're not measuring my waist, you insane lady!"

"Well then how will I know if your hips are wide enough for childbearing?"

"WHAT?"

"Don't shout dear. It's not lady like."

I stood there the whole time in shock. I couldn't believe my mom was embarrassing me like this!

She was now struggling to wrap the tape around Sam as she fought her off.

"Stop!" I yelled. "Mom, are you crazy?"

"I'm just looking out for your friend, Fredward. How can I be sure that she will produce healthy children if her hips-"

"GET OFF OF ME!" Sam yelled.

"Not until I'm done measuring you. It will only take a second."

Finally Sam just gave up and stood still as my crazy mother measured her hips.

"Ah, slightly larger than normal for your age. I suppose that's good news. I'm sure that as you mature even more-"

"LALALALA" Spencer said loudly, plugging his ears.

"- They should be at their best. As long as you stick to this health sheet that I made you." She said, handing Sam a yellow piece of paper with her handwriting all over it. Sad to say, but I had one of those.

"Mom, leave Sam alone!" I demanded.

She rounded on me. "I'm doing this for you Fredward Benson. Don't be ungrateful. Tthe health sheet works, and if you both stick to it, I know that I'll have healthy grandchildre-"

I glared at her and she covered her mouth with both hands, giving me an apologetic look. Luckily, Sam was too busy reading her health sheet that she didn't hear us. She laughed out loud.

"Low-fat vanilla soymilk yogurt with dry organic granola apple crisps? And why would anybody eat a salad made only of farm grown carrots and celery?" She said through giggles.

"It will promote healthy vision." My mom said, matter of factly.

"Mom, I think it's time for you to go." I said firmly.

"Fine. I'll be on my way." She said, turning to go. "Don't eat any fruit."

And then she was gone.

"Okay Fredworm, wanna explain why your crazed mom was trying to measure my body parts?"

I stammered. "Uh... I- I'm really sorry?"

She tossed her health sheet into the garbage before taking a huge forkful of alfredo pasta. "That lady is nuts!" she declared.

"Sam, stop insulting Freddie's mom." Carly said. "Mrs. Benson was just concerned about you. She always wanted a daughter and she's warming up to you. You should be flattered, she hates me."

"She doesn't hate you." I said.

Carly gave me a look.

"Okay, yeah. She hates you."

"Well, I don't like it." Sam grumbled. "Get your psycho mother to leave me, and my hips, alone."

"I'll make her stop." I assured her.

"You'd better."

"Hey, this pasta's really good." Carly said to change the subject, most likely. "What's in it?"

Sam and Spencer grinned mischievously. "Sorry, but that's our secret." Sam said. "No nubs allowed."

"Since when am I a nub?" Carly asked.

"Since you banned me from eating whatever I wanted out of the fridge last week."

"That's because you ate my facial mask!"

"I thought it was guacamole dip!"

I smiled. Ah, that's my Sam. Always eating any and every thing.

"What are smiling about, nub?"

"Huh? Oh, um...nothing."

She squinted hard at me before she returned to her food.

* * *

Sam and I decided to hang out together tonight. Since my mom was working late, and Carly was going to be out with her boyfriend, Derek. I loved hanging out with Sam. The silver lining in my dark, dreary cloud, is that Sam and I are still best friends and nothing and no one could change that. For that, I was content.

I had told Sam to come over after I finished my homework. She called me a brainy nub, but she agreed.

She showed up around six, practically glowing.

"What's with you?" I asked as I let her in.

"Oh... nothing." I was surprised when she wrapped her arms around my middle in a tight embrace. I blushed at the sudden contact. Smelling Sam's fruity smell on her hair. I was so startled that I kept my arms limp at my sides.

"Uh... am I being punked?" I said, wide eyed.

She laughed as she pulled away from me."No. "

"Okay... what's going on?"

"You're awesome!" She said poking me multiple times in the ribs.

I stared at her. "Okay, that's enough!" I looked around and called out,"You can come out now, Ashton!"

"Stupid, you're not being punked. You're just awesome."

"Are you feeling okay?"

"I'm terrific actually, and it's all because of a certain nub."

I was puzzled. What was she talking about?

"Thanks to you, I gave Jeff a chance and now I think I'm in love with him..."

My heart stopped. She- she _loved_ Jeff?

"What?" I asked, unsure if I heard her correctly.

"I said, I think I'm in love with Jeff. And I'm going to tell him tomorrow."

She _thinks_?

"You mean that?" I said quietly, my voice cracked. I cleared my throat. "U-uh.. that's... great!"

She jumped onto the couch and patted the spot beside her for me to take. I sat down slowly.

"You okay?" Her happiness faded a little bit.

"Uh- uhm, yeah, why?"

She studied me closely. "... I don't know... you just seem-"

"What?" I said casually.

"Do you really not trust me?"

"Huh? Sam, what are you talking about? Of course I trust you." I was confused.

"Not enough to tell me why you've been so bummed out lately." She turned away from me, looking so hurt that I almost caved. I wanted her to know so badly. But I was doing this for her.

"It's nothing, I told you. Maybe I'll tell you someday. Just not now." I pleaded.

"_Maybe_ you'll tell me someday?"

"I promise I'll tell you someday. Look. Don't worry about me. Now let's do something else."

She folded her arms stubbornly.

I folded mine just as stubbornly. "Come on. Let's forget this and have some fun. My mom gets home in four hours."

" ... Fine... could we watch Saw III?"

I forced a grin. "Now your talking."

I had lost all hope now. She loved Jeff back and they were going to be happy together. Nothing I can do about it. I'll spend the rest of my life regretting that I gave her the advice. I hated myself. Even more than I hated Jeff.

* * *

"OMG!" Carly exclaimed as Sam and I approached her at her locker."You guys absolutely won't believe this! Wendy's having another party on Saturday night!"

"Wendy Mason?" Sam asked.

"Yeah! She told me this morning! She's going to text everybody about it later, but she invited me first!"

"Oh my God, that's awesome!" Sam said.

"But I thought Wendy was never allowed to throw a wild party again. Remember? We were there when her parents got home from that dinner thing and she got totally busted." I said, opening my locker.

"Doesn't matter." Carly said, swinging her bag over her shoulder. "Her parents are out of town for the whole weekend. They don't return until late Sunday evening!"

Wendy's parties were insane. She was one of the most popular girls in school. But she wasn't rotten like the others. She was nice and sociable to everyone. So practically everybody liked her. And that meant practically everybody would be there.

"I'm going to take Derek to the party..." Carly sighed dreamily.

"I'll ask Jeff if he wants to go." Sam said. I felt a envious tug in my gut, which I ignored.

Just then Wendy ran up to us. "Hey guys! " She looked at me and Sam. " Did Carly tell you about the party I'm throwing on Saturday?" She didn't give us time to answer before she went on. "Well you're both invited too. Since you guys were in class I didn't get to see you. But now I see you so I'm so excited!"

"Wow, slow down there, girl." Sam said. "You sure are hyper."

"Sorry. I had like, four cups of coffee this morning. Anyway, are you guys going to come?"

"Uh, duh!" Carly grinned.

"You know it, chicka!" said Sam.

They all looked at me.

"Uh..."

I didn't want to go, to tell you the truth. The last thing I needed was to spend my Saturday around loud, obnoxious teenagers. And not to mention Sam was going to be prancing around with Jeff the whole time.

"I don't think my mom would let me." I said.

"Don't tell her." Wendy said with a shrug.

"I can't not tell her. I respect her too much for that."

Sam burst out laughing. "You respect your mom? I can't even get my mom out of bed in the mornings."

I glared at her. "Laugh all you want. I'm not going." Then I slammed my locker, much harder as I meant to.

Carly and Wendy looked at each other.

"Uh..." Carly said awkwardly. "We... we need to..."

"Get to class." Wendy finished. They both sped off in the wrong direction. I rolled my eyes and stuffed all of my books into my backpack.

"You wanna tell me what's up?" Sam said.

I jumped. I had forgotten she was there.

"What do you mean?"

"Why don't you want to go to Wendy's party?"

"My mom wouldn't approve. Weren't you listening?"

"Don't get smart with me, Benson. What's the _real _reason?"

"I already _gave _you the real reason. Now leave me alone."

She looked shocked first, then angry.

"What the hell is your problem?"

But her anger was nothing compared to mine. I was sick of all of this. I hated being in love with someone who was totally oblivious to my feelings. It was painful,hurtful to my dignity, demeaning to my pride.

Without thinking, I grabbed her and slammed her roughly against the lockers. She looked completely stunned. Too stunned to do, or say a thing. I realized that I might be hurting her, and loosened up on her arms and gently pressed her into the lockers. I surprised myself with how confident that I sounded.

"You want to know why I don't want to go to Wendy's stupid party? Because you'll be there with Jeff. Sucking face while I stand off to the side, hurting." Her eyes widened in realization.

The words flew quickly out of my mouth. And harshly. Everything I've ever wanted to say ever since Sam started dating Jeff, all built up inside finally came out, as if I had practiced it.

"Wanna know something, Puckett? I hate Jeff. And I hate you. You're selfish. You hear me? All you care about is _yourself_. I've been in pain while you've been happy. I spend ever second of my live thinking about you. And what do you do? You ignore me! You love Jeff so damn much!"

Still, she said nothing, as if she wasn't even comprehending my words. I wanted what I said to hurt her as she hurt me. I wanted her to be the one left with painful thoughts. I wanted her to hear me. I slammed her against the lockers harder this time.

She cried out a little, but she didn't utter a word.

"You love your precious Jeff so much? Well this is what I think of him!" I shoved her aside and pounded my fists on the lockers. Pounded so hard, that I created dents, and chipped the paint. So hard, you could see the shape of my fists on them. I pounded until my knuckles were numb.

Then I broke down. My fists fell to my side and I sobbed as I slid to the ground.

"I love you, Sam." I sobbed. "I've been in love with you for two years. Two years and you never noticed once! Am I invisible? Can you not see me? Why can't you see me? I exist, Sam! I exist, and I freaking love you with all my heart and you don't even care!"

She was shocked back into reality at those words. But only enough to blink her eyes. She opened her mouth to speak, but no sound came out. She stared at me with blank, expressionless eyes.

She never did like to express her feelings to anyone. Now was no exception. Her face was so emotionless that I couldn't tell if she hated me, loved me back, or even showed an ounce of sympathy.

I was ashamed. Here I was, pouring out my heart to her and she refused to react.

I left then. Pushing through the crowd of people who had come to watch. I burst out into the fresh air and jogged the six blocks to Bushwell Plaza.

My cold tears cooled my face that was flaming with anger and shame.

I didn't bother to wipe them away.

**A/N: So his secret is out. How will Sam react? What will be the outcome of Freddie's sudden confession? You can only find out in chapter 11 of iHate Jeff! Or there is another way... **

**SPECIAL CONTEST! First person to answer why I named this chapter 'Just Like A Pressure Cooker', get's a sneak peek of the next chapter! So what is a pressure cooker? And how does this chapter relate? If you don't know, look it up! It could be your chance to be the first to see what happens next! You could either review and tell me your answer, or send me a PM, your choice :) Tell me what you thought of the chapter, you guys!**


	11. I Need Some Ham

_iHate Jeff_

_I Need Some Ham..._

**A/N:WOOOOOT! FAST UPDATE! **

**I'm going to take this time to thank all of my regular (and not so regular) reviewers: _UnknownDreamer, CouldBeMoreRandom, Kpfan72491, seddieisthecure,_ (I love your username!)_ x3lovelikethisx3, RonWeaslyfan225, BetterThanGold, BaalRules, Ultimatereader14, BananaPuddingIsMyFriend, daisydadog, LuckyDuck546, sweetpotatochip197, axel100, myjumpingsocks, _(Big fan of iCan Make Her Jealous)_ Lanter, Flutter360, trainwreck17, SetSoulXP, KarlaRockAngel, Shazzam27, Elsquirto, PinkDaisies95, __ Chuckme3, CookieLivcat, SuperSumer, Super Girl Reader, DeadlyRedAlice, Show Me the Skyline, willywonkilina,_ Amanda, Complicated Love, withflyingcolors, Miss Sabrina D, seddie2ya, and (last but not least)_ abracadabra94_. **

**YOU GUYS ROCK! Sorry if I missed anyone, but I'm pretty sure I got you all. If not, I apologize! :) Here's chapter eleven of iHate Jeff! R&R!**

_Disclaimer: __iDo Not own iCarly :)_

_Sam's POV_

_I didn't understand it. I didn't understand it at all. I could hear him talking. No doubt, I could hear every word he said loud and clear. His lips mouth in harmony with his voice. I knew that everything I heard was coming out of his mouth. And yet I didn't understand. _

_Didn't understand at all..._

He pressed me against the locker again. Not as hard as he did a moment ago. But he did none the less. Why didn't I get mad at him? I was Sam Puckett for crying out loud! He couldn't shove me around like this! But I made no move to stop him. He gently moved me aside and pounded the lockers like a mad man with his fists. Pounded until they aged before my eyes about forty years, the paint chipped off, and dented out of shape. I wanted to make him stop. But I didn't.

And then he was crying. Sobbing.

Then he said those words that I just knew would come later into his outburst.

He told me he loved me.

Why? He said he hated me only a moment ago. And that he hated Jeff. He was sick of me... why does he love me now? Am I dreaming?

Now he sank to the ground crying into his hands. I didn't feel embarrassed about seeing my best friend so hurt. I didn't feel sympathy, or concern, or even the feeling that I loved to feel so much: anger. I didn't feel any of those things.

I didn't feel.

He asked me if he was invisible.

_No_, I thought. _Of course not, Freddie. You're not invisible. You're my best friend. Of course I can see you here. Crying beside me._

But deep down I knew what he meant. Was he so unimportant that I didn't recognize that he had feelings for me?

He got up then, and left me, surrounded by a bunch of students who had come to see what was going on. My arm wanted to reach out and grab his sleeve before he slipped away. But it didn't move. I slowly slipped my backpack over my shoulder and faced the crowd of my peers watching me in awe. It would only take one glare to make them all scatter, but there was no need. They all cleared a path as I walked past. I heard whispering behind me.

I didn't care.

I took a sip of water from the water fountain and it cleared my mind up a little bit.

Where was Freddie?

He left school. He should be at school. He never misses school.

I was worried now. I had to talk to him. I had to reassure him. He was my best friend. I didn't know that he was in love with me. How the hell was I _supposed_ to know? And now he was mad at me. He was hardly ever mad at me.

I had to go and find him.

I turned and collided with someone. I lost my balance and almost fell, but then that someone caught me by the shoulders. I looked up.

"Jeff?" I breathed.

He looked beautiful. His dark hair and his glittering blue eyes that pierced me with his concerned stare. I watched his lips as he spoke...

"Oh, hey, I'm sorry. You okay?"

"Yeah..." I answered, dusting myself off. "Uh, hey have you seen Freddie?"

"No, why?" ...His red, red lips.

"I just really need to talk to him."

"Okay... why don't you just call him?"

I stared at him. "Call him?"

"Yeah. With your cell." He said, a funny grin on his soft lips. The dimple in his left cheek showing up a little.

"Oh... right."

"What's with you? You seem a bit out of it. Maybe instead of us meeting up at the Groovie Smoothie later you should just go home and re-"

And then I kissed those lips. I pushed him gently up against the lockers and kissed the heck out of that boy. It took a moment for him to respond. I licked his lips and he let my tongue enter into his mouth. I kissed him furiously. Passionately. I broke the kiss quickly and started on his jaw.

"Ah..." He moaned. "Uh... S-Sam? What- um... we're at school. You can't..."

I stopped then, realizing what I was doing. "Oh... sorry."

His cheeks were flushed bright red. He looked adorable.

"What was that for?"

My answer came automatically. "I love you."

_That's a lie_, my conscience told me.

"Well you still can't just -what?"

I felt my face get hot and I turned away from him. "I said I love you. Geez..."

_You lied again. _

His eyes widened. "...You really mean that?"

"How many times do you want me to say it?"

_Stop lying to him! He's your boyfriend! Don't do this!_

He smiled his gorgeous smile, showing off perfect white teeth, and his incredibly hot dimples.

"Just once is enough for me. I've been waiting for you to tell me this for so long." He wrapped me in his loving arms and kissed my forehead."I love you too, Sam. You have no idea." He whispered in my ear. His voiced cracked a little.

I kissed his cheek. "Sorry that it took a while for me to tell you how I feel... I guess I'm a little stubborn." I said with a shrug.

"Never mind that. You told me and that's all that matters." He took my hand in his and squeezed it.

"Oh, hey," I said. "Wendy's having a party Saturday night. Wanna be my date?"

He grinned. "You know it. What time?"

"Not sure... she's supposed to text us the details later."

"Kay. Just keep me posted. I should get going." He pointed straight ahead at the stairs, backing away. "I've got class. Don't forget to call Freddie."

He turned, waving, and jogged up the stairs.

_What have you done? You lied to him... you lied! You don't love him!_

I shook my head, clearing my mind of my horrible realization.

I _had_ lied. I didn't love him.

* * *

"Where have you been?" Carly demanded the moment I walked into her apartment.

I tossed my backpack in the corner. "Jeff and I went for a smoothie."

She looked livid. "A _smoothie_? Seriously, Sam! "

"Oh, relax. I got you one too." I said, handing her a blueberry blitz. She glared at me, but didn't take it. I placed it on the coffee table.

So obviously she had seen Freddie and he had told her what had happened. None the less, I acted nonchalant as I plopped down on the couch.

"Hey, hand me the remote."

She still glared at me, her arms folded. "What happened after Wendy and I left you and Freddie alone today at the lockers?"

I shrugged. "Nothing much."

"Tell me the truth, Sam!"

"Okay... Freddie... he told me that he loved me."

"And?"

"And... I didn't really respond."

"You- you said nothing... at _all_?"

"I didn't know what to say or think!" I said, starting to get angry. "Freddie was supposed to be my friend and now he's in love with me... he didn't even give me a hint! It all came from nowhere. What was I supposed to do?"

"It did not come from nowhere! He's been in love with you for two years! He's hated every one of your boyfriends, he was miserable the moment he found out you were dating Jeff-"

"But he dropped all of this on me so suddenly! He even told me to give Jeff another chance-"

"Because he was being a good friend!" She yelled. "He told you not to break up with Jeff because he loves you! He doesn't want to see you unhappy! You are the most selfish person that I ever met!"

"Why? Because I don't feel the same way as he does? Since when does it make you selfish not to love someone back?"

"I'm not calling you selfish because you don't love him back." She explained calmly. "I'm calling you selfish because you didn't even try to console him. He's always been there for you and you were too self absorbed to care about his feelings."

That did something to me. How dare she act like I was the selfish one?

"What the hell?" I yelled. "Freddie's been in love with you for years! You've never cared about how he felt for you! You've dated other guys right under his nose and you never thought to spare his feelings!"

"That's because I knew he didn't really love me!"

Oh, yeah right."

"I mean it!"

"Well I'm not like you. I care enough about Freddie's feelings that I'll at least spare him the hurt of seeing me with other guys."

"I wasn't trying to hurt Freddie!"

I snorted. "As if..."

"You aren't going to try to hurt him either, you'll see..." She said. "But you will."

"I won't." I said firmly.

"You will... unless you plan on breaking up with Jeff."

"I'm not breaking up with Jeff... I... I told him I loved him today."

"You WHAT?" Her eyes filled with tears of anger and for the first time today, finally I felt guilty. What have I done?

She strode to the front door and opened it. "Get out." She whispered, her voice full of anger.

She didn't have to tell me twice. I left the Shay apartment, slamming the door as hard as I could. I heard her lock and latch the door behind me.

I was so overcome by anger that I kicked the outside of the door. Making a satisfyingly loud sound that I knew she heard.

I found my self face to face with the Benson's apartment just across the hall.

Should I even try?

I rapped on it lightly with my knuckles.

No reply.

I rang the doorbell once.

No reply.

Twice.

No reply.

Three more times in a row.

No reply.

I pounded on it with my fists so that he was bound to hear me.

"Freddie!" I yelled.

This went on for two minutes before I gave up.

Of course I could have just broken into the apartment and forced him to talk to me, but I was in no mood.

I didn't want to be around Freddie or Carly right now.

For once I just wanted to go home.

I called my mom and asked her to come get me, then I waited in the lobby until she pulled up in her battered, blue car.

"You look bummed, hon." She said when she saw me.

"I don't wanna talk about it." I got in the back set and folded my arms, sulking.

"Fine. But don't say I didn't care enough to ask."

"... I just don't feel like talking."

She shrugged before she sped off down the road.

"Suit yourself."

The ride home was quiet and awkward. I felt bad about how I had treated my mom, but I didn't do anything about it.

I was good at hurting people and then not feeling bad enough to apologize.

When we got to the house, I sped up the stairs and into my room immediately, where I locked the door behind me.

I wanted to cry to say the least, but I wouldn't. I never cried. Not in a while anyway. I wasn't about to start now.

But I did have other ways to deal with my feelings.

I wrote.

I grabbed my story notebook from underneath my pillow, stretched out on the bed, and got to work.

I poured my feelings out onto the page as I created a new story. About a girl, Margarette Hamilton, with two loves. One was her best friend, whom she loved only as a best friend. And one was her boyfriend, whom she felt she was in love with. And she might have been...

_She wasn't in love,_ _she was only confused._

No, she loved this guy. He was everything she had ever wanted. Perfect in every way...

_Yes, he was perfect. But is that what she wanted?_

Absolutely, I thought. Who wouldn't want somebody who was perfect for them?

_You said he was perfect. Perfect as a person? Yes. But perfect for her? I don't think so._

I said perfect _in every way_. Meaning for her as well.

_She doesn't want perfection. She wants someone who understands her. She needs a friend._

Her boyfriend is her friend. Hence the term ' boy- _friend_'.

_She needs a real friend..._

_And then Jeff and I were on the couch, kissing the way we did so many times before. _

_He broke away from my lips and began on my neck. I moaned in pleasure._

_"I love you, Sam." He said in between kisses. _

_Suddenly, I paused and looked him in the eye. _

_"Why do you love me?"_

_He looked surprised. But answered quick enough. "Because you're everything I've ever wanted in a girl. Beauty, aggressiveness, passion, creativity, there's nobody else in the world like you. You're special to me. You're-"_

_ I cut him off with a kiss._

_"Okay." I said with a smile. "I was just curious. You've never told me why you loved me before."_

_His cheeks colored, adding more luster to his flawless face. If that be possible. _

_"I'm sorry... I knew you weren't the type for all of the sentimental stuff..."_

_"I understand." I reached out and touched his cheek."I love you too."_

_He smiled and leaned to kiss me cheek, whispering teasingly in my ear. "Tell me why."_

_"What?" He had caught me off guard._

_"Tell me why you love me. I told you why I love you. Your turn." _

_I stared at him, at loss for words. _

_Why did I love him?_

_I studied my finger nails with their chipping blue paint. I chipped some more of it off, as I often did as a habit. _

_"Well... I, uh-" I gasped as I looked back up. _

_He was gone. _

_And Freddie was in his place beside me on the couch. We were no longer at Jeff's house, but in the living room at Carly's apartment. _

_"W-What happened?" I said._

_Freddie smiled and brushed a hanging curl behind my ear. "Shhhhh..."_

_He moved in near my face. _

_"Kiss me." He said simply._

_I may have been confused at the moment. Having had a long dramatic day, but I was still somewhat in my right mind and I knew that Jeff was my boyfriend. So of course I wouldn't kiss him, right? Duhhhh...  
_

_No. Wrong. Without hesitating, I leaned in to kiss him anyway._

_I kissed him fiercely. Attacking his lips in one swift motion. I held his head in place with one hand and gripped his shoulder with the other. _

_He held me lightly by the waist and easily lifted me onto his lap. _

_I deepened the kiss, causing him to moan. _

_That's when I realized what I was doing. I broke the kiss. I was horrified. I had kissed Freddie. But surprisingly, I didn't feel uncomfortable or weird. Only ashamed for Jeff. I felt this ticklish, jittery feeling in my stomach. I didn't really recognize it. But I ignored it.  
_

_"Are you going to be okay?" He said, concerned. _

_I didn't answer his question, but asked a different one. _

_"Why do you love me, Fredward?"_

_He rolled his eyes at me. "Must you call me names?"_

_"Yes. Now answer the question."_

_He sighed, rubbing his hands together nervously. "Because." He said quietly. "You're my best friend."_

_His answer was quick. Simple. Not overly-dramatic in the least. _

_"And you're mine." I answered back. _

_"And do you love me?" He pressed on._

_I was dating Jeff. Freddie was only my friend. So why was I taking so long to answer him? Why didn't I tell him no? I convinced myself that it was because I didn't want to hurt his feelings. That was why... right?  
_

_"I-I...I..."_

I awoke from my dream with a start.

What the? It was all a dream?

I groaned.

"... I need some ham."

* * *

I was surprised to see Freddie back in school the next day. But I wasn't surprised that he totally ignored me.

Normally we would walk together to our first class for the day. We met up at the lockers five minutes before class. Today, he wasn't in sight when I got there. Obviously he hated me. When was he ever late?

I walked to class alone.

Taking my seat directly in front of Freddie, but not bothering to speak to him either, I ignored everything and everybody around me. The entire lesson, I thought about what I had done to Freddie. He had the guts to tell me how he felt about me and I didn't do anything at all. Nothing. What is he supposed to think about me? Does he suppose I don't feel the same way? Does he think I was angry at him, or is he just angry at me? Does he understand that I was only shocked? Not in my right mind?

He probably didn't know anything. I had to talk to him, and now.

I jumped when suddenly the bell rang and everyone was filing out the door.

Class was over already?

I turned around to see if Freddie was behind me.

No.

He had obviously left in a hurry.

He had math next. He, Carly and I would always meet beforehand. I ran to catch up with him. Carly was already at the lockers, talking to Wendy. No doubt about the amazing, wild party on Saturday that I suddenly realized I no longer wanted to go to.

When I reached them, there was an awkward tension in the air. Wendy looked at the three of us, sensing there was something going on.

"Catch you guys later..." She said, backing away.

When she left, I faced my friends.

"Can we talk?"

Freddie kept his eyes focused on his shoes. But Carly looked me in the face. I could tell she wasn't expecting me to be the first one to try and make up.

"If you want." She said nonchalantly.

"Okay." I was relieved. I realized just now how dreadfully I wanted to make things right between us all again.

"I-"

"Hey, Sam." I heard Jeff's voice behind me.

I turned. For the first time I could remember, I was annoyed to see him. He was the reason any of this was happening, and here he was when I was trying to apologize to my friends.

"Hey!" I greeted him, cheerfully. He kissed me gently on the mouth.

Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Freddie's body tense up. His fists clenched.

I broke the kiss off immediately.

Freddie glared at us, but Carly looked sympathetic. We made eye contact and I knew what she was thinking.

I had hurt Freddie without even trying. And this was only the beginning.

"I have to go meet a friend." Jeff informed me. "I only stopped to say hello. See ya."

He kissed me one more time before I could respond and was gone from my side.

Carly quickly slipped an arm around Freddie's shoulders, tightening her arm around him, as if to keep him from doing anything violent. She squeezed him to her side until Jeff was completely out of sight. Only then did she slowly release him.

"Why don't you go on to class?" She said to him. Then she said something else. Quieter this time so that I couldn't hear. He nodded, and then left.

Carly and I were alone.

She stepped forward so that she was facing me.

We stared at each other.

"I'm sorry."I said.

"I know... me too."

"You?" I was shocked. "You never did anything wrong."

She shook her head. "I should not have yelled at you like that. You didn't know how to feel about what Freddie said to you. I should have tried to understand."

"Well you were right," I said. "I'm hurting Freddie by being with Jeff. Whether he sees me with him or not. Knowing that we're dating is enough. God I feel awful."

"Don't." She said. "You have no reason to. Jeff was your boyfriend before you knew how Freddie felt about you. It's not your fault that this happened. And even though I care for, and support Freddie, you shouldn't have to break up with your boyfriend just to keep him happy. You told Jeff you were in love with him. Are you?"

I looked away from her. "Yes." I lied.

"Sam, look at me."

I did.

"Do you love Jeff?"

" Yes." I said, looking into her eyes this time.

"... Okay then. If it's true, then you have a right to be happy with him. And Freddie..." She trailed off. "Um, well. If you don't like him, then there's nothing you can really do..." She looked at me. Silently asking me if I liked him.

I pretended not to have noticed this.

"But if you do..." She tried again.

"I don't know, okay?" I said. " I just don't."

"I know you don't." She said. "Don't worry about it anymore. You may love Jeff, but Freddie is your friend. You need to settle this with him."

"I will." I promised.

"And you have got to be nice."

"I will."

"And gentle."

"I _will_."

She smiled. "Good."

"So... are we cool?" I asked.

"Yeah. We're cool."

"Nice." I was relieved.

"Now let's get to class. Remember Miss Briggs said that if you were late again, you would get expelled."

"Aw, she was just bluffing."

_"Sam._"

"Fine, fine. Catch you later."

"Okay, see you."

I walked to our next class feeling a hell of a lot better. Carly and I were friends again. And now I had Freddie to worry about. He wasn't just some random guy,we were super close friends. One wrong word I say and I can ruin that.

I didn't blame him for his actions at all. Or for being mad at me. Couldn't I have said something? Anything?

And then there's Jeff. My boyfriend. Even if Freddie forgives me, he'll still be constantly in pain knowing that Jeff and I are together.

It seemed to me that no matter what I did, I was always hurting somebody.

* * *

_'Margarette was in love with Roberto. Why wouldn't she be? He had everything. He was perfect and he treated her like a Queen. Her hand never went unkissed, she never went untouched, never felt unloved. Roberto gave her everything she wanted. And he was faithful unlike all of the other men she fancied. So of course she loved him._

_Margarette could feel in her heart that Roberto was her soul mate. She was in love with him._

_She was, she was, she was..._

The door to the studio, where I was seated on a bean bag chair, writing, opened.

To my surprise, Freddie came in. He looked annoyed with the world and didn't seem to have spotted me yet.

"Carly?" He called, moodily."What did you do with my history notes? I need-"

And then he saw me.

Immediately, he turned to go.

"Hold it." I said.

He looked at me. "What?" His voice squeaked with fright.

So he thought I was going to do something to him.

Understandable.

"Carly's in her room." I said. "She'll be right back."

He cleared his throat. Sounding much braver, he said, "Yes, well, when she comes back, please tell her that I need last week's history notes." He was about to go again.

"Freddie." I said, just loud enough for him to hear.

"Yeah?"

I stared at my hands, which I had placed in my lap. I was annoyed, and insulted that he was trying to get away from me. I wasn't going to do anything.

"Why are you afraid of being alone with me?"

Freddie fidgeted a bit. "I'm not afraid to be alone with you."

I rolled my eyes. "Then get in here and wait for Carly to come back."

Nervously, he turned around and came back into the studio.

I was ready to end this.

I patted the empty bean bag chair beside me. Freddie slowly lowered himself into it.

Silence. Awkward silence.

To break the awkward silence, I came up with a great solution.

Food.

I reached into my pocket and dug deep until my fingers wrapped around my pack of gum.

Freddie jumped when I pulled my hand out. He probably thought that I had a paint ball gun.

"Relax." I said. "It's just gum. Want some? Apple flavored."

"Sure, I guess." I handed him a piece, which he almost put in his mouth when he suddenly dropped it.

He pointed at me with a shaking finger. "Y-You." I raised my eyebrows.

"What did you put in it? You poisoned it, didn't you? Oh my God, I'm so stupid! I can't believe I almost put that stuff in my mouth!"

I rolled my eyes.

Okay, this nub was really starting to bug me.

"What do you take me for?" I said, irritated. "A murderer? If I could knock you dead, then why would I need to go to the trouble of poisoning you?"

He looked thoughtful. "True."

I gave him a new piece of gum, that he hesitantly put in his mouth and started to chew.

He shrugged. "Hm. Tastes like normal gum."

I laughed in spite of myself. "Of course it's normal gum, stupid."

Freddie had finally begun to relax. Now I could try to talk to him about this awkward situation.

I cleared my throat. "So, uh... why have you been avoiding me? Think I'm gonna rip your arm off or something?"

"Well, kinda." He said. "I was under the impression that you were mad at me."

"Why would I be? You did nothing wrong. "

"I don't know... You just seemed... out of it. I figured you would be kind of angry."

"Nah. I was only shocked... it was pretty unexpected."

"Sorry about that."

" It's fine. I should be the one to apologize anyway. And anyway, you were right."

He looked confused. "Right about what?"

"That I'm really selfish."

"Oh, Sam." He looked apologetic. "I didn't mean any of it. I was mad, that's all. You may be rude and obnoxious, and a total psycho sometimes, but you aren't selfish. I know that deep down you really care."

"So... that means you don't hate me?" I found myself near tears.

Stupid.

Don't cry. Not in front of Freddie like a weak little girly girl.

Freddie moved to comfort me. I was warm in his embrace. I inhaled lightly to his scent. Laundry detergent and cinnamon.

Heat washed over my cheeks when my head rested against his well muscled chest.

I got that strange, tingly,fuzzy feeling inside again.

That feeling that I only got around Freddie.

I called that feeling ' friendship'.

But by now, that feeling and I had become familiar with each other.

I was afraid. I was starting to realize what the true name of that feeling really was.

"Sam, I could never, ever hate you. I didn't know what I was saying. I was horrible to you. I'm so sorry." He spoke in a low whisper that sent chills down my spine.

His voice sounded so smooth. Comforting. It was kind of hot.

I was blushing. I could feel it.

I didn't want him to notice, so I buried my face into his chest. His, muscular chest...

I blushed even more. God, since when did I start acting all weird over Freddie?

I mean, sure he's hot now, but he's still my friend.

Without thinking, I asked him a question. "Why do you love me?" I was desperate to know.

Why would somebody as awesome as him, love someone as totally classless as me?

He chuckled, to my surprise. He pulled me away from his body to look me in the eyes.

"Simple." He said with a grin. "Because you are my best friend."

Somehow I was sure he would say that.

"Why do you ask?"

"Just curious..."

He sighed. "Sam. Promise me something?"

I nodded.

"Don't let things get awkward between us. Just because I fell in love with you doesn't mean I don't want you to be with Jeff. I can see how happy you are with him." He said, looking away from me, sadly.

"I'm happy when you're happy. So if Jeff makes you happy, then I'm okay. I knew all along that if I told you how I felt, it would always be one sided... of course, I didn't plan on telling you this soon... but nonetheless, I just always knew that it would be this way. "

"I knew it." I said. "Carly was right. I am hurting you. And I don't want to."

"Don't think about me. My position in your life is as your friend-"

"Friends don't make friend's lives miserable." I said quietly.

"You're not making my life miserable." He tried to sound reassuring, but I could hear the falseness in his voice.

I didn't comment on that one. I knew that I was tearing him up inside.

I felt guilty. Not only because I was putting him in pain. It bothered me more why I was putting him in pain.

I thought I was in love with someone else. But I couldn't be sure. I felt something for Freddie. I didn't want to think about what it could possibly be. In fact, whenever I got that feeling around him, I ignored it. I pretended that it didn't exist.

It seemed like the only emotion I could identify in this situation was fear.

I was afraid of my real feelings, I realized.

So afraid that I didn't let myself feel them. And for that, I was lying to one person, and destroying another.

But like Freddie said, whether he meant it or not, I was selfish. My feelings were more important to me than anyone else's, so I was playing it safe. Dating the 'perfect' guy who I really liked, and keeping the friend I had always had.

It was wrong of me.

But I didn't care at the time.

I had no idea what I was getting myself into.

* * *

It was Friday. Weekly date night for Jeff and I.

I was so desperate to be with him. To convince myself that he was perfect for me. That I was in love with him. I attacked his lips with mine the moment we were alone in his living room, as soon as our date was coming to an end. As always we would hang out for a few minutes at his house before he walked me back to Carly's.

He was so caught off guard by my sudden movement, that he stumbled backwards a bit. I reached out and steadied him, not breaking lip contact for a second. I had him pressed up against the couch in a gentle, but demanding gesture.

Once he realized what I was doing, he responded just as forcefully. I stopped kissing him only when I ran out of breath.

He grinned. "Wow, Sam. How about a warning next time? You almost suffocated me."

"Sorry." I said quietly.

He gathered me in his arms and kissed my full on the mouth. But only for a few seconds.

"I love you." He reminded me.

Suddenly, I felt a deep sense of guilt. I owed him. All of the times he said that he loved me and I didn't say it back. He deserved better than me. Someone who could give him the love that he wants. Not me. Not someone who might have feelings for someone else.

Nonetheless, the words that came out of my mouth next, were "I love you, too". And I felt trapped being with Jeff. Trapped, with his strong arms around me, holding me to his beating heart. I belonged to him in his mind. And I didn't want to hurt him, or hurt myself by thinking otherwise. I had to be in love with him. If I wasn't, then that meant that I loved someone else.

I had to love him. For my own sake.

I kissed him again then. This time with no force. Nothing but sheer passion. As much passion as I could muster. I broke off the kiss just to tell him...to further convince myself that I was in love.

"I Love you." I said. And then I said it again. I repeated the phrase until he shushed me with his lips.

"Don't feel guilty." He said. "You don't have to make up for all of the times I said that I loved you and you didn't say it back. I told you already that now that you can comfortably say it back, I've forgotten about before."

"Sorry. I just kind of feel like I owe you something."

He rolled his eyes. "Stop being melodramatic."

Truthfully, I didn't feel like I was in debt because of not saying a simple 'I love you' to Jeff, but because I felt like I was being two-faced. I had to tell him now.

"Listen." I sat up and looked him straight in the eyes.

"What's up?"

"I have to tell you something..."

"Is this a good something or a bad something?"

"Um... a bad something."

He looked skeptical. "Okay... might as well prepare myself for the worst. " He turned and gave me his undivided attention.

I sighed before I said, "Freddie told me that he was in love with me at school a few days ago."

He stopped me by holding up his hand. His face was pale and his eyes were shut.

"Are you okay?"

His eyes shot open. He gave me a hard look. "Do you care for him?"

I was quick to answer. "Romantically, of course not."

"Go on."

"Things were tough at first. But we talked and he understands that I don't feel the same way. I just thought you should know that."

"You thought right." He said through a clenched jaw. He stood, slid on his jacket and headed for the door.

I was frightened. Uh oh.

"Where are you going?"

"To have a little chat with your friend, Freddie."

I stood now, staring at him in amazement.

"You're jealous."

"You're damn right, I'm jealous."

"How can you possibly be when you know that I love you?"

He was now shaking with anger. "I... I don't know." He fell back onto the couch beside me, defeated.

"I just had this feeling... ever since I first met Freddie, he always seemed to have something against me. I tried to get along with him... it makes so much sense now. God, I'm such an idiot."

"You are not."

"I am. I was too trusting-"

"And what is that supposed to mean?" I shot back. "You think you can't trust me?"

"You, I trust without a doubt. It's Freddie Benson who I don't trust."

"Well I do! Freddie is one of my best friends!"

He shifted uncomfortably. "... Look I'm sorry. It's just that ever since I first saw you and him together, I saw how strong your relationship was. And I've always been envious of that. Why aren't we like that?"

"Because we haven't known each other as long. Freddie and I have been through a lot together and he's been a huge part of my life. Don't spoil what I have with him. Try to think of it from his perspective. He's in love with me. I don't have any feelings for him at all, and I'm dating you. I trust him too much for him to try anything. I can guarantee you that he won't, actually. If you and I plan to get more serious, you are going to have to be able to trust, and get along with the people that are important to me."

He looked deeply ashamed of himself. "You're right. I'm sorry." He apologized again.

Just then, the front door unlocked and in came Mr. John Golden. Jeff's father. He and Jeff looked exceptionally alike. Both tall and somewhat muscular. But Mr. Golden had brown eyes, not blue like Jeff's, and his dark hair was streaked with grey in some spots. His slightly lined faced twisted into a knowing grin as he stepped into the room.

"I can hear you two 'going at it' from all the way down the drive. You kids tone it down." He teased.

Jeff and I both colored.

"Uh... w-we weren't-"

Mr. Golden waved his hand in dismissal. "Ah, save it. I was your age once. I know how it is."

Neither Jeff, nor I commented. Mr. Golden didn't need to know that we were just fighting.

"Looking mighty beautiful today, Sam."

I looked down at my outfit. I was wearing a fancy pair of Carly's jeans, and a blue sweater, also borrowed from her. I liked Jeff's father. Not only because he actually called me by my nickname ' Sam' and not ' Samantha' like most adults, he was a totally cool guy. Though Jeff had told me once that he had been super strict with him until I came along. Then he loosened up and started to trust him more. I guess that was another reason that they both liked me so much. I had made their lives easier.

"Thank you." I said, politely. "And, uh, don't worry about driving me home. Jeff and I were just about to go. It's only a few blocks, anyway and it's not even dark yet."

He nodded. "Well then, you guys should hurry along. Be careful, and hurry back Jeff, I need to have a word with you." Then he disappeared into his study.

As I slipped on my jacket, I said to Jeff, " hat do you think your dad needs to talk to you about?"

He looked worried. "Between you and me, I think it's about that 'D' I made on my science report."

I laughed. "That's what I was thinking, too. Looks like your in for it."

He sighed. "Yep."

Jeff and I stepped out together into the cool September air. He gently slid his arm around my shoulders. I leaned back against him casually. He smelled nice. He used a fancy cologne, called... something that I don't remember. He had told me when I asked him. I thought it was very masculine. It made me feel cared for and protected. I liked how romantic it smelled too. But while I liked it, I also didn't like it at the same time. It was boring. Too normal. Too perfect. Just like everything about him was too perfect.

His only flaw that I had seen so far, the entire eight months that we had dated, was jealousy. He got jealous easily and not only that. He got overly jealous. When other guys would even look at me, he wanted to fight him off. He never wanted me to look at other guys, and in return, he never looked at other girls.

This annoyed me. Most girls would find it sweet. But what was so sweet about being led about by a guy who labeled you as his own? We weren't married Though I had been irritated that he acted this way, I only figured he was being protective and never thought anything of it. He was always careful not to be that way around Carly and Freddie, giving me my space so that he didn't appear clingy.

He wanted to protect me because he truly loved me. I should have been flattered or at least grateful.

I wasn't.

Each day, Jeff became more and more 'my perfect boyfriend.'

I hated it.

I hated it, but I kept him. I thought that I deserved him. Everything I owned was crap. Let's face it, my life was crap. But for iCarly, and my best friends. I thought I owed it to myself to have a little bit more. That little bit more just happened to be Jeff. He could give me everything I was once denied. And I needed that. Or so I thought.

What I really needed was a friend.

A best friend by my side as my true companion and love.

While I knew this all along deep inside, I never acted on it.

And I probably never would.

**A/N: The winner of the ' Pressure Cooker' contest was _DeadlyRedAlice_. She was the first to guess the answer. A handful of you guys had the right idea, but the point is, in the end, Freddie EXPLODES. Get it? So much pressure until he explodes. A few of you even guessed the exact right answer, but DRA got it first. So congrats! Hope you enjoyed the chapter. Leave a review with your fav line/part and 'SUPPORT THE SEDDIE!' Oh, and I know you guys are excied for iGet Pranky tonight. Hopefully there will be tons of Seddie! Chapter twelve will be up soon!**


	12. Questions Left Unanswered

_iHate Jeff_

_Questions Left Unanswered _

**A/N**_: _**Hey! Thanks to everybody who reviewed the last chapter! It meant so much to me and I always feel good reading every review. So I know everybody's ready to know what happens next, so continue on! **

_Disclaimer: I do not own iCarly. _

_General POV_

_"_Are you sure you don't want to come with us to the party?" Carly glanced at Freddie in the mirror, where she was just checking her reflection. He sat behind her on Carly's bed, watching her blankly, clearly bored.

"Don't worry about me." He grumbled. "Trust me, I'm looking forward to being alone to sulk tonight." He managed a tiny smile.

Carly was insulted. "What's that supposed to mean?"

He shrugged. "You haven't left me alone for weeks. I honestly can't remember the last time I was by myself to think."

She folded her arms. "Well if you felt that way then why didn't you just say something before? I would have given you some space...maybe."

"I didn't want to hurt your feelings."

She sighed. "I was only trying to keep you company. If you want to be by yourself tonight then I guess I won't try to persuade you to come... you know I'll bet there are lots of pretty girls who'd love to-"

"Carly." He said, warningly.

"Okay, okay. I know. You only have eyes for Sam."

"I'm glad you see it my way."

Carly smoothed her short, red dress down, checked her hair and make up one last time before she turned to Freddie.

"How do I look?" She asked, spinning to give him a look from each angle."I hope it's not too much. Wendy said it's supposed to be kind of a casual party, but I want to look girly too."

"You look great." Freddie said, lifting his eyes to look at her briefly.

Carly put her hands on her hips. "Dude! The least you can do is look at me properly. Are you really still all depressed about this Jeff thing?"

He didn't answer her and she sighed, taking a seat on the bed beside him. "What do I have to do to make you feel better?"

"There's nothing you can do. You've tried everything and I can't stop thinking about her."

"That's only because you won't let yourself stop thinking about her. You won't even try to forget-"

At that moment, the doorbell rang. Carly jumped up excitedly. "Derek's here!"

She looked worriedly at Freddie.

He smiled. "Don't worry about me. Go on and have a good time."

"You sure?"

"Definitely."

She gave him a quick hug before she raced down the stairs to answer the door. Freddie sighed and leaned back against the bed pillows.

Momentarily, he heard the front door close. He was now alone in the Shay's apartment.

It seemed nothing was going right for him. He had fallen in love the girl who was supposed to be his best friend. She had a boyfriend. A boyfriend whom she really, really liked. He had told her how he felt and she didn't feel the same way. It was official now. No more hoping or dreaming. Sam would never ever be his.

The only thing left to do was to forget about her.

That's what Freddie Benson had been doing for the past day. Trying to forget to no avail. He couldn't change his feelings. Not yet, anyway. And it hurt that he was, once again, rejected by someone whom was very close to him.

Freddie jumped when his phone vibrated in his jeans pocket.

Without looking at who the caller was, he answered, irritated.

"Carly, I'm fine. You haven't been gone a minute and you're already-"

"It's me you dipwad." He heard a familiar voice say at the other end.

"Sam?" He said, surprised.

The warm, funny feeling he got whenever he was near Sam came back. He found himself smiling to hear her voice.

"Yeah it's me."

"Sorry I thought you were Carly."

"Don't you check your caller I.D.? Bad boy! I thought your mommy didn't let you talk to strangers."

"Did you call to insult me."

"...No actually."

"Well I'm tired of it- wait, what?"

"I didn't call to insult you."

"Oh... then why?"

"Because I wanted to talk to you. Can I come over?"

He looked at his watch, frowning. "Wendy's party's in twenty minutes. Aren't you going to go?"

"Nah... I'm not in a party mood. I just want to talk to you."

He was shocked. " Um... okay. But I'm not at home, I'm at Carly's."

"I'll be there in five minutes."

She hung up immediately afterwards, not bothering to say goodbye.

Typical Sam, Freddie thought.

He was looking forward to seeing her. Since the incident yesterday, he thought things were going to be kind of awkward. He was very much in love with Sam, but he liked being her friend too, and just wanted to go back to the times when they could just talk.

He decided that he might as well make some sort of an effort to look nice. His clothes were clean and ironed perfectly, compliments of his mother. His hair looked okay, none the less he brushed his fingers through it, just in case.

Moments later, he heard a loud pounding on the door downstairs and went to let Sam in.

"Still haven't found your lucky hair clip?" He asked, referring to the hair clip that she used to pick locks.

"No. I don't know where I could have put it." She paused. "Oh yeah! Now I remember!" She reached to the back of her head, her fingers fumbled into her wild blond locks and pulled out her clip.

Freddie rolled his eyes. "Of course. Where else would a hair clip be than in your hair?"

"Shut up Benson."

Freddie gestured for her to come in and closed the door behind her.

"So what's up?"

"I need your opinion on something."

"I'm not letting you try eye shadow colors on me again."

"Oh, relax that's not what I meant."

I joined her where she sat on the couch.

"Well?" he asked, growing impatient.

"Um... how would you feel if I went to New York for a little while?" She said quietly.

"You're going on vacation in New York?" He asked, incredulously.

"No." She said, barely above a whisper.

"What, then?" Freddie feared the worst. "You're moving to New York?" He asked in disbelief.

"No." He had to lean closer to hear her, she spoke so quietly.

She wouldn't meet his eyes now.

"What then?" He tried to keep his voice steady and calm.

"I'm _thinking_ about going to move there, but only for a little while..." She paused to take a breath and finished quickly. "... With Jeff."

Freddie froze. This was all too much for him.

Sam was going to leave him to go live with Jeff, for who knows how long, miles and miles away. He wouldn't see her anymore. She would be with Jeff...

"Um, Jeff's dad told him that his mom wanted to spend more time with him. She's willing to let us come and live in her home... for a year."

"A year?" He gasped. "Oh my God, Sam... what about college? We're going to college in less than a year, remember?"

"Jeff and I are going to postpone."

"Oh my God."

He was so stunned, so horrified.

But he wasn't selfish. He looked at Sam, who still wouldn't look at him. She was chipping her nail polish. Something that she had grown accustomed to doing when she was nervous.

This was a big deal for her, he realized. He knew that Sam liked Jeff and she needed a break from Seattle. Sam was never meant for a quiet, boring life. Sam was fun and exciting. She would enjoy herself spending time in a different place with a guy that she really liked.

"Look at me." He said suddenly.

Slowly, she looked up into his eyes fearfully.

He smiled gently at her. "Go." He said simply.

He was torn apart on the inside. He loved Sam. He would miss Sam. He didn't want Sam to be with another guy. But part of loving Sam was making sacrifices for her. Sam would obviously never belong to him, he reasoned. So no reason to hold up her life out of his own greed.

"Do you really mean that?" She brightened a little. "You really wouldn't mind if I went?"

"Will you promise to have a good time?"

She smiled fully now. "Oh, man. I was so afraid of what you'd say!" She looked at him, her expression suddenly apologetic. "Um... will you... will you be okay?"

"Do you promise to call and text and visit?" He didn't answer her question. And she noticed that.

"Sure, sure. But what about you?"

"Of course I'll call and text-"

"No, I meant, will you be okay? You know... with me...not... around."

She was referring to his feelings for her in a indirect way. Sam personally didn't feel comfortable talking to Freddie about that delicate little subject.

"I'll survive." He answered indifferently.

He looked so blank and lifeless now that Sam felt guilty. "I'll visit on every holiday." She said quickly. "Even groundhog day."

He smiled a little. "That's good."

"And I'll bring you and Carly back tons of souvenirs." She added, watching his face for any change of emotion.

"Thanks."

"You're mad at me." She accused. "I can tell."

"No. I'm only shocked. I just have to take all of this in, that's all." He assured her.

"Oh..." Was all that she could say. She didn't believe him in the slightest. Of course, Freddie had always been this type of guy. He would never tell you how he was really feeling if it would make you unhappy. That's just the way he was.

Sam was suddenly seized into his strong arms. He hugged her to his chest, his eyes tight shut as he said farewell to her in his heart.

Sam was surprised to find herself in his embrace. She hugged him back, just as meaningfully. She was held tightly against his chest. She could feel his heart throbbing against her cheek. She could smell his smell and feel his strong body.

_Whoa, hold on,_ she thought. _Stop fantasizing about Freddie!_

She found herself blushing again. She was embarrassed that Freddie turned her on so much.

"I'm going to miss you so much, you have no idea." He said sadly.

"I won't leave if it hurts too much." She said, immediately, suddenly not wanting to go as badly as she did only a moment ago.

He shook his head. "I could never ever do something like that to you. I love seeing you happy. And even though I won't physically see you, I'll still love knowing that you're happy."

"I won't be happy there unless I know that you're happy here."

"I'll get on." He smiled at her now. "I'm going to have to learn to get over you. You get to go somewhere else to have fun. With no school for an entire year. You always say how much you hate school. I could never forget about you if you stayed here. I'll have time to get over these feelings. It's perfect for both of us."

Sam felt hurt. He wants to get over me? She wondered. She didn't like the thought that Freddie wouldn't love her anymore. She had figured one day, if things didn't work out with Jeff, he would always be there waiting for her.

But now she realized that this wasn't about her. Freddie had a life too, and he couldn't waste it once again loving a girl that he can't have. It was unfair.

And yet, it grieved her to think that one day, Freddie might not have any feelings for her anymore.

Freddie tried to be somewhat less gloomy. "So, when are you and Jeff going to leave?"

In a week." She answered, afraid of his reaction.

"Wow... that's... incredibly soon, don't you think?"

"Next week is the last week that we can fly to New York at a discounted rate. Jeff's dad says."

"Oh..."

"I wish I'd have more time to stay."

"It's alright."

"And I guess I'm going to have to tell Carly too, won't I? I hope she takes it well."

Freddie was worried. Carly and Sam have been best friends for years. Never separated. He feared Carly in fact, wouldn't take the news well at all.

"Me too." He said.

He moved to break the long hug, but Sam protested.

"Not just yet..." Then she blushed, hoping that he couldn't see it. " Um.. just a little bit longer. I know this sounds super cheesy, but I won't have my best friend's to hug in New York."

She buried her face into his chest. She could feel his heart beat faster and hear it getting louder.

Truthfully it hurt her as much as it hurt him not to return his feelings. Not that she couldn't return them, but she didn't want to. Anyway, she wasn't even one hundred percent sure that she had feelings for him. She refused to even think about the possibility and she would shut out and ignore any feelings she felt when she was with him.

She didn't like seeing the friend whom she had been through so much with, known for so long, hurt because of her.

She felt her heart speed up now. Pounding relentlessly against her chest. She inhaled Freddie's cinnamony smell that she loved and found herself smiling a little. She tightened the hug, keeping her head hidden from view, her hair falling over her face so that he couldn't see that she was crying.

They were silent farewell tears to him. Tears of friendship. Tears of true love.

_Not tears of romantic love,_ she corrected herself. _Of love, like, caring love. I care about Freddie, that's all._

The crying ceased as quickly as it started. She wiped her tears with the ends of her hair, pretending as if she were only brushing her long locks away from her face.

She looked up into his face for the first time that day. Looked him straight in the eye.

Freddie saw something in her eyes that he had never seen in her eyes before

_But it couldn't be,_ he told himself. _She can't love me. I'm only fantasizing again. Wishing she would actually look at me like that someday._

But there was no mistaking it. She had the same look of need. After all, he could hear her heart lightly thumping against his. Her arms still firmly around him as she gazed into his eyes... lovingly?

Without either consulting the other, they both leaned in to close to each other. Noses almost touching.

Just then, the front door flew open. Sam and Freddie both jumped slightly.

"Mom!" Freddie said, clearly very embarrassed about what was about to happen."This isn't our house! You have to knock!"

Mrs. Benson stood in the doorway, casserole dish in hand, looking shocked with the scene before her, yet pleased.

"My apologies for so rudely barging in on the two of you." She said with a smile. "I thought that Samantha would be here. I prepared her a ham. Just the way I heard she liked it. Honey baked."

Sam and Freddie were both confused as to why she was looking at them like that when they realized the position they were in.

They slipped out of the now awkward hug, both blushing furiously.

"I'll just set it here on the table for you, hon."

Sam jumped up quickly to peer into the dish. "A ham you say?" She asked excitedly.

"Oh, yes. Freddie says that this is the way you like it most prepared. Tender and juicy, but cold."

Sam grinned. "Wow, you shouldn't have!" She exclaimed.

"It was no trouble dear. Since my little boy desires you, you may have whatever you like." Freddie was very embarrassed at that point.

"Mom!" He wined.

Her calm, poised expression changed to worried. "Unless of course, you know, you decide to move on to someone else and leave my poor baby boy to a life of dreaded loneliness!" She gasped at at the thought. "Please marry my son!" She pleaded, crazily.

"Mom!" Freddie glared at her.

"Don't listen to anything she just said." Freddie told Sam.

Sam was, if possible, even more embarrassed than Freddie. Mrs. Benson could be insane sometimes, but Sam found some truth in her words. In a way she was moving on to someone else and leaving Freddie to a life of dreaded loneliness.

And she was doing it out of fear. She was only seconds away from actually kissing him, she felt comfortable and content in his arms that held her with such love. But she simply didn't want to love him. She let herself believe that she had only acted upon impulse. Felt sorry for him, felt bad about leaving him, then decided to kiss him to make him feel better.

Sam couldn't let herself fall in love with Freddie. She just wouldn't allow it.

She gave Mrs. Benson a charming fake smile before she said, "Thanks for the ham, Cr- I mean, Mrs. Benson. I was actually just about to get going."

Mrs. Benson looked worried. "Oh, no. I ruined the moment didn't I?"

"Mom!" Freddie covered his face in shame.

"Oh! I'm sorry. I get it. I'm embarrassing."

Sam shifted uncomfortably. "See you, Fredward." She grabbed the dish of ham before leaving speedily.

"Oh my God, mom!"

"Watch your language Fredward."

"I can't believe you just did that!"

"You and Samantha were going to make lip contact. You haven't double rinsed today." She said. "Come on. I bought you your favorite berry flavored mouth wash."

Freddie blushed, thinking about what had almost happened. "We almost kissed... and then you destroyed everything."

"Don't fret dear. The time will come again. Now come and rinse before you get cavities."

He sighed. "The time won't come again. Sam's moving."

She gasped, horrified. "Moving? No!"

"Yeah..."

"Oh, my... the only girl you've ever truly loved. Aside from that awful Carly Shay..."

"Carly's my friend. I would appreciate it if you would stop being so bitter towards her." He said crossly.

"You almost died saving her life."

"This isn't what were talking about right now! Sam's leaving! She's moving to New York for a year!"

"Well, at least she's coming back, right?" She said hopefully.

"Yes...eventually."

"Don't look so upset. She won't be gone permanently. Do you know what I do when I'm feeling down? I rinse." She proceeded to grab his arm and lead him into their apartment across the hall, told where Freddie was forced to rinse twice with Listerine, berry flavored mouthwash.

* * *

Telling Carly about the move was what Sam was really dreading.

Carly was her best friend. Of course they would always be best friends, but it would be different, miles away.

And then there was iCarly that they wouldn't be able to do anymore, except for on holidays. What Sam was really afraid of was how Carly was going to get on without her. She would still have Freddie, but it wouldn't be the same.

But Sam didn't have much time to delay. She had one week. She had no choice but to do it soon. And in this case, the sooner the better.

Carly rolled her eyes when she told her the news the next day.

"Good one, Sam." She grinned. "You're moving to New York for a year. Sorry but if you want to pull a prank on me your going to have to do a little bit better than that."

"You don't believe me?" Sam looked down at her toes. "I might be going in a week to live in New York with Jeff for a year. I'm not lying."

Something about the way she said it made Carly realize that she was telling the truth. Instantly, she felt empty.

Was her best friend really leaving?

"You don't mean that, Sam." She said quietly. "Why would you leave Seattle? You love it here with me and Freddie and Spencer. You couldn't leave you mom, or- or school. We go to college soon! You couldn't-"

"I said I might. If it's okay with you and Freddie. He already said he was okay with it. And if you are-"

"Of course I'm not okay with it!" She yelled."You're my best friend! I need you! We were supposed to go to the same college together in a few months. We do iCarly together every week. Don't you get that if you go, you're going to leave behind so many things?"

"Stop yelling." Sam said, finally looking at her friend. "Don't you get how much I want to get away from here? I've never said it aloud before, but I'm sick of everyday life in Seattle. I'm lucky that Jeff's mom would be okay with me coming to live with her. I'm lucky I'll get to go enjoy one of the greatest cities in the world! Why can't you just be happy for me?"

"Because once again, you're being selfish!" She stormed. "You're ditching your web show, your education, your mother, and you best friends all because you want to go miles away with some guy who you hardly know!"

Sam was angry now. "I've been dating Jeff for eight months now!"

"So? I've been your best friend for eight years. Now I know math isn't your strong point, but I think even you know that eight years is way longer than eight months."

"You know what? Maybe I'm not the one who's being selfish after all. Have you every thought that it was you? I want to go somewhere new. Not forever, but just for a little while and you don't want to support me? I thought you said you were my best friend!"

"Since when was a year a little while?" She scoffed. "And I am your best friend. I'm just your best friend who wants you to be around when we graduate. I'm your best friend who wants you to be there when we step foot onto the college campus for the first time. I need you with me to survive this." Carly was almost in tears as she said this. Sam softened a little.

"Carls... Carly don't cry..."

"How can I not cry?" She snapped. "You're deserting me when I need you the most. So much for best friends forever."

"We're still going to be best friends!"

"It won't be the same!" The tears were now running down her cheeks. "I don't understand why you want to go! I thought life here was perfect. I thought that all this time you liked Seattle. Are you unhappy here?"

"No!" Sam cried. "Not unhappy...just... bored. I know college will spark things up, but for now I really want to go and explore all that the world has to offer. I like things that are new and different. I'll be away with a guy that I really like. I would miss you guys a lot. You think this is easy for me?"

Carly sniffled. "Freddie actually told you that it was okay for you to go?" She said in disbelief.

"He told me that if it was something I really wanted to do, then he would back me up. Like a real friend should."

"So now I'm not a real friend?" She snapped defensively.

"You sure aren't acting like one. Most friends want friends to have the time of their lives."

"It's not that I don't want you to have the time of your life, I just don't want you to leave me. _Us_. I don't really believe that Freddie agreed to letting you go. He loves you.."

"Which is why he cared enough to consider how I feel about this." Sam looked away from her again, uncomfortable.

Carly stared at her best friend.

"Ohh... I understand."

Sam's head snapped up. "What?"

Something about the way that Sam looked right now gave away her true feelings, which Carly had always been able to read when she let her guard down. Something Sam had just done, unfortunately.

"Sam..." Carly wiped away the last of her tears, stepping in front of her best friend, trying to get her to look at her. "Sam, do you love Freddie?"

Sam balled her fists. "That's the stupidest thing I've ever heard! Why would I be in love with Fredweird? I'm dating Jeff."

Sam put on her insulted/disgusted persona. But Carly could see right through that too.

"I get it now." She said quietly. "You're in love with Freddie. Not Jeff. That's why you're going to New York with him. You want to escape you're real feelings... how could you do this to Freddie, Sam?"

Sam paled at her words.

_It's the truth. _

_The truth._

_The truth..._

_It's all the truth._

"What the hell are you talking about? I don't have any feelings for him. We're friends and that's all. Just because you didn't want him doesn't mean you can try and dump him on me."

Carly looked as if she had just been struck. "He loves you, not me! And you love him and you're too afraid-no- to cowardly to come out and admit it! How can you do that to someone who's loved you for so long? How, Sam?" She yelled.

"I'm not cowardly. I just don't love the dork."

_"'The dork' _is your friend. And I know that you do love him. You don't want to tell him? Fine. So go on ahead. Go to New York with the guy you so-called love and have a good time. Leave behind your true friends as well as the guy who you really love who loves you too. Or stay here, where you belong with the people who care about you, finally tell the guy who loves you how you feel and be happy with him. It's your choice."

**A/N: YESSSS! I GOT THREE UPDATES IN A ROW FOR THE PAST THREE WEEKS! Something I've never done before because I am so lazy. :) Anyways, hope you enjoyed the chapter. I'm not the best in writing in a general POV, but I hope it was fine anyway. I'll try to get the next chapter up in the next week too, but no promises. ;) Anywho, review! iSELL PENNY TEES IS TONIGHT! MAJOR SEDDIE IN THE PROMO! REVIEW IF YOUR EXCITED FOR IT!**


	13. Understanding Part II: The Epilogue

_iHate Jeff_

_Understanding Part ll: The Epilogue _

**A/N: Thanksgiving was great! I had lots of family over, ate my favorite foods, hung with my friends and watched a ton of iCarly...blah de blah de blah! I get it! You're desperate to know what happens next and you don't care about hearing me blab! Here is the very last chapter of iHate Jeff. Yes you heard correctly. This is _the end _of my first ever fanfic. This chapter is companion to the first chapter 'Understanding'. R&R****!**

_Disclaimer: I do not own iCarly. _

_Sam's POV  
_

At first, I didn't understand why Freddie acted the way that he did. Now I know why he hated Jeff and why he was so distant. Now we are on the same page again. Understanding each others feelings. But there was still one obstacle in the way of our friendship.

He loved me. And that ruined everything.

The weather matched my mood that day at the airport. The clouds were dark and heavy. It was lightly drizzling, almost ready to pour when the storm arrived. I had ten minutes until Jeff and I boarded the plane.

He was happy that I made up my mind to go with him. It was a last minute decision that I didn't tell anyone about until just this morning.

Freddie already knew.

Or at least I think he did.

He didn't sound surprised when I told him over the phone that it was what I wanted.

He sounded as if he expected nothing less of me. Then again, we were best friends.

I didn't call to tell Carly though. We hadn't had a proper conversation my whole last week in Seattle. Graduation was this Sunday, but I wouldn't be here for it. I know that added to her anger with me. So I texted her instead, telling her that I was leaving that very day.

She hadn't replied.

So I was surprised to see her there to see me off. Her and Spencer and Freddie.

Freddie gave me an encouraging smile that I'm sure was painful as he held out his arms to me. I basically ran into them. I was surprised at how much my heart ached that very moment. I was leaving. Really truly leaving.

I tried not to cry and smear the light bit of makeup I had on. It was hard, but I managed not to let out more than a choked sob that Freddie immediately stifled by hugging me tighter.

"Shh..." He whispered in my ear. "Don't cry. It's not like you."

"Dork." I whispered back. "I'm not crying."

He rolled his eyes and smirked. "Sure..."

Suddenly, he pulled away, looking a little sad. "I'll miss you, Princess Puckett."

I felt the tears threatening to come again, so I looked away. "Whatever." I mumbled.

I was again seized into his arms for a quick hug, before he whispered to me again.

"Please try and make up with Carly before you go." He said. "She's really upset that you're leaving her, but she's even more upset that you and her are fighting. She just wants to be friends again." He said, looking at me with dancing eyes.

My heart skipped. I wanted to make up too. Really badly. I didn't even care that I had to make the first move. I looked at Carly, who stood not far away, in front of Spencer, who had his hands on her shoulders and was saying something to her. No doubt trying to convince her to make up too.

Freddie gave me a gentle push and I made my way over to them.

"Bye kiddo." Spencer said, moving to hug me. I was now shaking.

What was I doing? Was this for real? It didn't feel real. It felt like a dream. Maybe that's why I didn't try and stop it. Maybe that's why I went along and let this happen.

"Bye, Spence." I said into his shoulder.

When he pulled away, he edged closer to Freddie so that Carly and I were alone. She stood in front of me, not meeting my eyes. I could see though that her eyes were red and puffy, he face tear stained. Her usually neat and clean hair was messy and dull underneath the hoodie that she had on. She was clutching her right elbow with her left hand, staring at her shoes.

"Carly...please?" I pleaded.

She slowly looked up at me, letting out a shaky sob as she spoke. "I-I didn't think you'd really go. After I talked to you, I thought... maybe you'd change your mind. I was so sure..."

"Carly-"

"I thought I knew you." She interrupted softly. "Guess I don't anymore, huh?"

"Carls, please?" I said, now about to cry. "This is hard for me too. Don't make it worse."

She shook violently. I could see her breath in the cold November air. Tears splatted onto her sneakers.

"Please stop." I said, tears sliding down my face too. "I just want to say good bye. And be best friends again. Do you know how hard it's going to be in New York never getting a call or text from you. How will I know how your life is, or how college is going?"

"You have Freddie." She said flatly.

"Carly, you shouldn't be mad at me just because I want to do something different with my life!"

"I'm mad at you because you're deserting the people who love you. I don't get what's so bad about right here, Seattle, that you want change so much." She said bitterly.

"I think change will be good for me." I said, eying Freddie in particular.

She noticed that I was looking at him and I tried to change the way I knew our conversation was going to go.

"Freddie said you wanted to make up." I said quickly. "Don't you?"

She didn't answer my question, but asked another. "How could you leave without at least telling him how you feel?"

I opened my mouth to retort.

"Don't bother denying it." She snapped. "I really wonder how you could do something like this to your own friend."

"Freddie's okay with me leaving." I said more to assure myself than her.

"You know, sometimes your stupidity surprises me!" She stamped her foot in frustration. "He's not okay with this at all! You see that smile he has on? The moment you leave, the moment the smile leaves too. The second you're gone, the second his happiness is. You want him to be like that for a year?"

I opened my mouth to argue when she interrupted me again.

"I just don't get how you can keep a secret like this from someone who loves you. His true happiness depends on you. You love him back and you have a chance to fix all of this, but you just won't!" She said all of this in a loud whisper.

"Carly-" I started weakly.

"Let me finish! Freddie's been holding it all in for two years, you finally realize that you're in love with him, but you won't admit it? What kind of friend does that? You're so cowardly! Every time something happens that you're afraid of, you just have to run away!"

"That's not why I'm going." I said quietly.

"Yes it is!" She yelled. "How stupid do you think I am?" She started to sob quietly,"I've been waiting for so long for Freddie to fall out of love with me and move on. I was so happy when he told me he was in love with you. I thought maybe you and Jeff would date for awhile and then break up and Freddie would be able to tell you. I thought you'd feel the same way. I thought he'd finally be happy with someone who could love him for who he was, the way I couldn't-"

"Carls, I-"

"You what, Sam? You don't love Freddie? Anyone with eyes can see that you can. Just stop pretending and take in the real world for a second. You have to face your fears, Sam. You can't keep sprinting off in the other direction when you're afraid of being in a real relationship!"

"Jeff and I are already in a real relationship..."

This seemed to make her really angry. She yelled in a loud whisper, "What's the matter with you!Why can't you realize what's right in front of you? It's Freddie, not Jeff! He's your friend! How many times has he been there for you? He's always around to help you and stick up for you. But how do you repay him? You carry his heart around in your pocket ignoring his silent pleas-"

"You're making this sound way worse than it is, Shay." I said, with an almost beginning tone.

"Oh, you think I'm exaggerating? As if every word I just said wasn't true."

I sighed in defeat.

"Carls... don't you want to make up?" I asked again.

"Not so much now." She said coldly, wiping away a few tears that dripped down her jacket.

"Well then... we don't have to make up. At least let's not fight. I'll miss you while I'm gone, you know. So please stop being mad at me. Don't you want to say a proper good bye?"

She ran into me then, taking me into a surprise hug, almost knocking the wind out of me.

"Goodbye, Sam." She said in a whispered sniffle.

The way she said it made me think that her good bye had a double meaning. I know what she meant by 'Goodbye, Sam'.

Goodbye to everything. Our old lives together. The Sam she used to know...our friendship...

Were we still friends? I had to know.

"Friends again?" I said hopefully, wiping a few tears from my chin and onto my sweat shirt.

"I don't know anymore..." She said. With a chocked cry, she moved out of the hug, looking at me, dead in the face, as if for the last time. Then tears flooded her eyes again, her expression hardened, and she turned and ran into Spencer, who was waiting with open arms.

He gave me an apologetic look. I knew he was sorry about how painful Carly was making this already emotional goodbye.

Freddie was shaking hands with Jeff, smiling in a friendly manner that shocked me.

I was even more shocked that Jeff responded just as kindly. They were okay. Freddie's heart was obviously ripped to shreds, but he still had that optimistic smile on.

It was because of him that I was getting through all of this.

I looked at what I was leaving behind. Real friends. I felt inferior to them all. Freddie, who was so caring, more caring about others than himself, was showing no sign of sorrow for my sake. He gave me only encouraging smiles and words that made me feel as if I wasn't the horrible person that I convinced myself that I was.

Spencer was being just as encouraging, even as he held his mournful sister. I was the reason for her being like this anyway... Then there was Carly herself. She may be crying her eyes out and not being exactly cheerful with her goodbye, but she came here. If it were Carly leaving me, I would have stayed home. Even though she made no move to repair our friendship, she didn't totally end it as I would have. That was saying something.

We now had five minutes to get on the plane, as the announcer over the loud speaker said.

I shocked everyone, and myself by hugging Freddie again. This time longer, and tighter than I had earlier.

He chuckled, tickling my neck with his breath. "Love you, Puckett." He whispered.

His words bought a sudden feeling of realization to me. It was on the tip of my tongue to say I loved him back. It scared me.

I almost said it. Why was that? Was I in love with him? I've had the feeling that I was ever since he told me he loved me. Maybe I really did love him... just maybe.

If I left to New York, I would never find out if I did or not.

I didn't want to leave him.

"I-I'm not going." I said.

"Sam." He sounded worried. "Don't, please? Your plane leaves soon. You have to go."

I gasped, squeezing him harder. "No!"

He pulled me away from him, giving me a stern look. "Sam, be serious."

"No, no, no!" I said in a loud whisper.

He tried to shush me quickly. "Stop! Jeff will hear."

"I don't care, I don't want to leave you!"

"Sam-"

"I know I'm hurting you even if you don't show it!"

"Sam, please listen-"

"You're going to be miserable. And Carly...see what I did to her?" I tried, failing, to keep my lower lip from trembling.

"Sam!" He exclaimed. "Listen. You came this far. Jeff's been wanting you to go with him. I know you want to, too. Go, please. I want you to be happy."

"But-"

"Go. Or you're going to miss your flight."

"Maybe I want to miss my flight."

"If you don't get on that plane, I'm going to drag you on."

His threat made me smirk through my tears. "Oh, please. As if a dork like you can force me."

He laughed and wiped my tear with the back of his hand. "That's the Sam Puckett I know." He said, shoving me forward.

"Now, _leave_."

Hesitantly, I nodded and he smiled. Why did he do this to me? He made me feel like a jerk. After all that I did to hurt everybody, he still acted as if I could do no wrong. And he was actually trying to convince me to go after I say that I want to stay. His chance to take me away from Jeff once and for all and he wouldn't take it.

He tells me that he loves me any chance he gets, but now...that's when I realized just how much he really did love me.

" kay..." I said uneasily, looking back at him and everyone else. Spencer waved with one arm, his other one around Carly, whose face was buried into his shoulder, completely hidden by her hair. She obviously didn't want to see me actually leave.

"Good. Now go on." I ran and hugged him a fourth time, and he had to force me off.

"Sam..."

"Alright. Bye..." I said, with an awkward finger curled wave.

Spencer gave Jeff a firm hand shake. "You guys have fun." Spencer said.

Jeff place a hand on Carly's shaking shoulder.

"Carly-" He started.

"Get off of me!" She screamed into Spencer's shoulder. "I hate you! I hate you for taking Sam away! You've ruined everything!"

I watched in shocked as Spencer tried to calm Carly, who continued to scream. Freddie looked sympathetically from Carly to me. "Get on, you guys. We'll handle her." He jammed is thumb in Carly's direction.

Carly said nothing. She acknowledged the fact that I was leaving, by crying harder into Spencer's jacket. He hurried to put his other arm around her.

I moved to comfort her, but Freddie grabbed me and pushing me towards Jeff, said to him, "Make sure she gets on the plane." And he nodded, taking me by the hand.

"But, what about Carly?" I said, turning as I walked away with Jeff. "I can't leave with her like this." I said stopping to see Freddie behind me through the crowd.

"Spencer and I have got her."

Then he motioned for Jeff to go with me to board the plane. And he pulled me along with him. My friends were soon out of sight.

"I can walk, you know." I snapped.

"Right, sorry." He said, looking shocked at my outburst.

We boarded the plane in silence.

I followed Jeff to our seats and sat beside him.

"Don't you want the window seat?" He asked me.

"You can have it." I grumbled back.

He sighed, putting his arm around me. "Sam... you don't regret coming with me?"

I shook my head, only just now realizing that I didn't.

"No. No, of course not. I really want to go with you. It's just that...Carly was so upset. And Freddie. I know he was smiling and acting all happy, but he was hurting too. I wish that they weren't so affected by this."

"You have great friends, you all love you and will miss you. Even though Carly's upset right now, she'll get used to it. Cherish your friends, Sam. They care about you."

I smiled at him. A genuine smile.

"Sorry I was so harsh to you earlier." I said, kissing his cheek. "I love you." I said, wrapping my arms around his middle, placing my head on his shoulder. It had gotten so easier to tell this lie every time.

"Don't mention it. Your tired. It's still early. Go to sleep." He softly kissed my forehead, whispering in my ear, "Don't worry yourself. I'll take good care of you. I promise you, you'll have the time of your life."

I gave him a grateful look before settling against him. My eyes fluttered closed. But I wasn't asleep yet. I thought of my condition. I was flying through the air with Mister Perfect. But my heart was on the ground with Freddie. Corny, I know. But it was the truth.

Wait...

What am I saying? I don't love Freddie.

Do I? I practically just admitted it to myself. I love Freddie Benson.

I repeated this to myself a few times, getting used to the sound of it. I love him. He loves me. We could be together but...

But it was too late now. The plane had already taken off. And whether I liked it or not, I was going to New York.

Surprisingly enough, I didn't mind. I felt like this is what I should be doing right now. Getting away from all of these strange feelings that I'm just not ready to face. I loved my friends, but I hated my fear. This path is the way to go.

I looked up at Jeff. He looked so peaceful in his sleep. I kissed his lips gently before leaning over his body to look out the window. The airport wasn't in view. I felt instantly relieved from my fears. Isn't that what they say anyway? Out of sight of mind?

I leaned back comfortably against my boyfriend, deciding that now, like him, I would try and get some sleep. I closed my eyes and smiled contentedly, inhaling the familiar smell of Jeff's cologne. Shutting out any thoughts of Seattle. I thought, I was on my way to one of the most romantic cities in the world with the awesomest guy ever. This was going to be a blast.

I was looking forward to my new life. Even so, one thing that Freddie said to me kept replaying in my mind...

_'Love you, Puckett.'_

* * *

**A/N: Now I know you guys weren't expecting the last chapter to come so soon, but this is exactly how I wanted it to end. I was 13 when I wrote this story and I'm turning 15 next month. This story has been carefully planned for two years now and it's turned out just as I imagined.  
**

**There will be a sequel that will come out, around the middle of next year, like early summer. Now, I know how far away that seems, but time will fly by, and I'll have loads more time to prepare it. Meaning the chapters will come out quicker, like on a weekly basis, and you'll get longer chapters and more exciting situations. So it's really a win-win situation here. I know you guys will enjoy the sequel even more than this story, because obviously, that's when the Seddie will happen. Now, I'm going to ask a few things of you guys, so listen carefully.**

** (1) REVIEW! Tell me if you liked the ending! Actually tell me if you liked he whole story, overall_._**

** (2) Make sure to do the usual fav line/part and 'SUPPORT THE SEDDIE!' at the end. **

**(3) I want your opinion on iStart A Fan War. Personally, I didn't like it much except for a few funny moments and Aruthor vs. Aspartamay. I have so much to say about it, but it's probably best not to put my full review of the episode in my author's note. Put it in your review!**

** (4) Tell me in your review if you have any stories of yours that you want me to read and review on. I'm a big reader as well as a writer, so I'd love to see your work, too! **

**God, this is a long authors note. Anyway, you can't do any of the four things that I want you to do unless you REVIEW! So do that. Enjoy the rest of your holidays! :D  
**

_**Sushihiro **_*´¨)

(¸.•´


	14. SEQUEL IS UP!

**Author's Note: The time has come, my readers and reviewers! :D Finally, the sequel to iHate Jeff is here! It's called _iKeep Running Away_ and you can find it on my profile page! I hope you all like it. I've worked very hard on it all year and even though I promised to have it up early, it was all in good reason. I hope my hard work shows :) **

**iLost My Mind is in 2 weeks! WOOOOOT! SEDDIE FTW!**

_**Sushihiro **_*´¨)

(¸.•´


End file.
